Labor of Love

It happened on Christmas Day 28 years ago. It all began on the 22^nd. We thought it would happen on the 23^rd, but it didn’t. Then for sure it would happen on the 24^th, but it didn’t. Finally, after 57 hours of active labor, our beautiful daughter was born. Can anyone beat that?

By active labor I mean contractions at least every ten minutes. Once that was happening, and late that evening of the 22nd, we got our bags and headed to the hospital knowing that at any minute we would become proud parents…..and we waited. After a few hours the hospital sent us away. They suggested we take a walk and come back later and so we did. Our baby wasn‘t ready to come out yet.

We returned the afternoon of the 23rd. This time they checked us in. Contractions were still coming every ten minutes, but now we were dilated to two centimeters. We called the grandparents-to-be and a few friends. Soon the waiting room was filled with our entourage and anticipation………and they waited.

With few exceptions everything after that is a bit of a blur. Late morning of the 24^th , the doctors decided to induce labor and gave our soon-to-be mother Pitocin. Two hours of wild contractions later (and language that would make a sailor blush), still no dilation. “Mom” got some Demerol so she could rest and relax still contracting every ten minutes. They gave me nothing. That was how we spent December 24^th.

Then on the morning of December 25^th, they were preparing us for a Caesarian procedure. Finally. Just get it done….until someone made a suggestion. “Why don’t we try the Pitocin one more time?” and we did.

BAM! Wild contractions and we went from two to ten centimeters in just ten minutes. ”A baby is coming. A baby is coming.”…..or so we thought. The dilation was then followed by two hours of pushing and then “Voila”. A perfect child, our beautiful girl was born and brought into this world. The new mother finally had her healthy, beautiful child in her arms and finally got to rest.

Since then she has done everything a child is supposed to do. She has brought us endless joy, heartache, pride, grief, love and affection. Now that she is 28 years old, we can look at her and see the extraordinary woman she has become. She is beautiful, kind, smart, caring, independent and so much more. Looking at her today, I wouldn’t trade one minute of those 57 hours.

That’s what we were doing on Christmas 1982 and the day before and the day before that. What were you doing?

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Birthday Balderdash

I have written about birthdays in the past, yet they seem to keep coming. What’s the deal with that? Sure, I am getting older but I was getting older yesterday too and nobody said anything then.

Birthdays are like a law of nature. They are going to happen no matter what we do. We inhale and then we exhale. We continue to wake up each day and we continue to have birthdays. As sure as the calendar changes each day, a birthday is likely to occur.

What’s changed? What is different? Technology. Today I received (and the day is not over) nearly 50 birthday greetings on Facebook, a half dozen e-mails and several birthday cards. I expect more before the day is over. (For some reason I haven’t got anything from Plaxo or Linked-In. Hmmmm???)

What’s good about getting older? AARP membership? (Now you only have to be 50) Restaurant and movie discounts? (I am not old enough yet. But soon.) Medicare? Social Security? More people calling you Sir or Ma’am? (Of course, I can’t hear them anyway)

What blows me away about getting older is how long you can say you have done things for. Graduated high school 35 years ago. Friends for almos t 40 years. Had my real estate license for 32 year. Children who are 26 and 28…….and my favorite, been married for over 30 years.

I’ll tell you what’s good about getting older.

Getting older, for many of us, is an opportunity to be more grateful, more appreciative of all the good things that fill our lives. In particular, relationships, both old and new. It is also wonderful to be thought of by so many people that you know that took the time to send a birthday greeting. Evidently, the world is filled with a lot of kind people.

I like getting older. Firstly, it beats the hell out of the alternative. Secondly, it is a great reminder of all the people that matter to (even if it is just a Facebook greeting) and that matter to me. Third and finally, I usually get some presents.

Birthday balderdash? I don’t think so. I made donations to honor my friends this year, but clearly, I could never give enough.

Happy birthday? You bet it is.

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The Medical Report

I remember laughing. It was almost 30 years ago and if you called my mother-in-law and asked “How ya doing?” you got the answer, the whole medical report whether you wanted it or not. Well, here it is, almost 30 years later and if you ask me, or my wife, or most of our friends “How ya doing?”, you are likely to get the whole medical report.

What happened? We got older. More importantly, our bodies got older too and with aging bodies comes more ailments, diseases….and medical reports.

The truth is that those we care about and those who care about us want to know how we are. It’s more than a morbid curiousity. But rather an “I made it” –“Did you make it too?” type of curiosity. The fact is that we are getting older and to me, that’s the good news.

For many years I have said “If we are lucky enough to live long enough, we will all have something to deal with.” That’s the good news. It means that we have lived long enough to have something. That’s life and I would rather have it than not have it. Some of us are ‘lucky enough to have our health issues earlier…..like me.
God willing you are in your 50’s, 60’s, 70’s or older and are healthy and strong. What a blessing. But chances are that if you have lived that long, you know someone who has had to face serious health issues and chances are that when you ask “How ya doing?”, you really want to know.

Little did I know that way back when I asked my mother-in-law “How ya doing”, the meaning and significance those three little words would take on not that many years later.

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Eating Children.

The title of this piece is correct. It is about eating children.

Many, many years ago when my kids were born (now 26 and almost 28 years old), I wrote poems. Some of you may identify with them…..or at least I hope so. For years people have told me to publish them. So here are a few of them.

WARNING: Some are about eating children.

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He’s nibbling at my feet

He’s chewing on my fingers

And telling me I’m so sweet

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He’s sucking on my cheek

I am getting smaller everyday

I think I’ll be gone next week

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

I can tell from his kiss on my head

Because I am sure that what he’s doing

Is taking little bites instead

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He calls me his Little Lamb

That’s a favorite food of his

And he thinks that’s what I am

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He calls me his Sugar and Spice

I guess that’s the price a little girl pays

When she tastes so nice!

By Michael Gerber

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy!

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy

And she won’t let him out for nine months

She won’t let him have toys,

Or make any noise

Or even watch TV, not once

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy!

And we’re told that she eats everything

From the way she is showing

And her tummy is growing

I’ll bet that she’s bursting a seam

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy!

And you better be fast on your feet

Because inside her belly

It stretches like jelly
And you’ll be the next one she eats!

By Michael Gerber

If Kids Were Cookies

If kids were cookies

I’d the fresh every single day

I’d like to know how many kids

That I could put away

Yes, I’d eat these kids with ketchup

And even day old stew

Yes, I’d eat them by the dozen

If kids were cookies too

And when all the cookies are eaten

I kkn1ow just what I’ll do

I’ll make the rest into Kiddy Cake

And Kiddy Jello Too

By Michael B. Gerber

I hope you enjoy these. Feel free to pass them on to new or expecting parents. I always do and they seem to enjoy them.

You know you have a great mom when........

Moms don’t get all the attention and credit they deserve…..or at least the great ones don’t. I know this because I had a great mom.

Great Moms are committed and preoccupied with the well being of their family, especially their children. They are selfless, generous and always doing for others. Often they will cook, clean and make costumes for the First Grade Circus. Sometimes they are just plain nuts (like my mother who used to do a trial run of her Thanksgiving dinner the weekend before. Who wants to do that twice???). They are there to comfort and protect us. It is their role, the reason they are here.

If a child is sick, they will move mountains or dig ditches to find a treatment or cure. The word “No” is not in the vocabulary of a great mom when it comes to caring for their children.

Great Moms reach extends beyond their own family. They are often ‘maternal’ to and towards a lot of people, regardless of their age. They counsel, advise and care for everyone close to them and seem to have an endless supply of band-aids, hugs and kisses for anyone who needs one.

Usually girls learn to be women from their mom and in today’s world, boys often learn how to be men from them, and I don’t think that is a bad thing. They are teachers, playmates, nurses and disciplinarians. They are God’s gift to us all. Perhaps they are his angels on earth.

I know all this because I had a great mom. If she were alive, today would have been her 75th birthday. She died of cancer almost seven years ago and although she is no longer with us physically, she certainly left her mark on our family and she is often spoken of. Her presence is known and felt in our home. I think of her everyday.

My mom and I were close and spoke often. We saw her regularly and she was a big part of our family and lives. Now that she is gone, I don’t think that I gave her all the credit and attention she deserved. Maybe no Great Mom gets all they deserve.

Happy birthday, Mom. You will live forever in our hearts.

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Marital Advice From An Expert.....Me!

I am not a psychologist or therapist and have no formal training on how to counsel others. What I do have is a very happy marriage of 30 years and that is what qualifies me to give advice…….experience.

Ask couples who have been married many years what the secret is and you will get a variety of answers. “Respect”. “Friendship”. “Never go to bed angry”. All good answers, all valid. But I believe that my answer to the question trumps all of those answers.

My advise is different and if you follow it, all those other pieces will fall into place. My advise is to be grateful.

Remember why you fell in love and all the things about your partner that you are grateful for and tell them. By telling them you remind them, and yourself, of what it is you love about them. Gratitude is the key to happiness and to staying in love. Unexpressed gratitude is useless. It must be expressed. Otherwise it is like buying someone a present and never giving it to them. Useless.

The opposite of gratitude is taking things for granted. Whenever things go awry in a relationship, one of the parties always feels taken for granted. Don’t let that happen.

Make expressing gratitude a habit. It has taken some of us a long to learn this, but I can tell you from personal experience that it works. Gail and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary, and I can honestly say that I am more in love with her today, then I was on the day we married and I am more grateful too. Rarely does a day go by without me telling her that I love her and why. And guess what? She does the same with me.

The last several years, and in particular, living with a disability, has taught me more about gratitude than I ever could have learned in a life without incident. But don’t wait for a life changing event to learn these lessons. Remind yourself, and your partner, today why you fell in love and do it all over again.

You, and your partner, will be glad you did.

Happy anniversary, Gail. I love you more today than yesterday.

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It takes a village…..or at least it’s better that way.

There are always at least two ways to do everything. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Alone or with others.

I like to do things with others. In fact, I am certain that my life is better because of all the people in it. I can say with certainty that as a person with a disability, my life is also easier because of all the people in it.

If I need help, someone is there to help. If I need someone to talk to, someone is there to listen. If I need a laugh, someone is there to play with or share a joke. When I am there to listen to someone else, than I know that I am of value to another person.

Having people in your life and being involved with others is a great reminder that you are alive and worthwhile. It can also help one forget about their troubles for awhile and that is always a good thing.

I recently read an article about isolation (InsideMS /Healthy Living / Isolation) that was written by my friend Alison Dale. It turns out that isolation is a pretty big problem in our MS community and is often a problem for anyone living with a chronic condition. I am guessing that it is a problem for many people without a chronic condition as well. (Isolation can lead to depression and that can be a serious problem. If you or someone you know suffers from depression, please get help.)

There are many reasons why and how a person becomes isolated. Some may have to do with physical limitations or disability. Some with fatigue and sometimes it is just the belief that no one understands or cares. Whatever the reason, isolation means being alone and being alone is no way too spend all of your time.

If you are alone and don’t want to be, do something about it. Call a friend and invite them over. Go to church or temple and find ways to get involved there. Join a club or service organization. Volunteer. There are hundreds of ways to get involved with others and millions of nice, caring people in the world. Finding them is not difficult. It just requires a little initiative.

If you are not a likeable person, become one. Learn to ask questions of and about others and listen to their answers. Practice gratitude. Say hello to strangers and learn to smile. You will get back what you put out and will soon find that you have created your own community.

If you are not alone, go find someone who is. Make a difference in someone else’s life. You will both be glad that you did.

Life is better when you have people to share it with. For some people that may mean marriage or family. For others, it may mean friends or belonging to a group.

Having a full, rich, meaningful life requires people to be in it. In my case, it takes (or at least I have) a village.

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Rejection has never felt so good.

Is it the good news or the bad news? This past week and for the third time, I was turned down as a participant in a clinical trial. Getting into one of these trials as a volunteer/participant is tougher than I thought it would be. This time, however, being turned down was the good news.

This particular study was to see if exercise could improve the cognitive function of those of us living with MS. You needed to have a minimal level of physical ability and some evidence of loss of cognitive function. The doctor gave me a physical exam and then the Clinical Director administered a test of 60 questions to measure thinking skills and memory processing speed. The good news is that I answered 59 of the 60 questions correctly. A high score.

The bad news was that because of my score, I was not an eligible candidate for the study. Geez……..I may never get into one of these clinical trials.

More than half of the people living with MS will experience some level of cognitive dysfunction. Another fact is that over time, the great majority of us will experience some physical disability. Given a choice (which I am not), I would choose to have the physical disability over the cognitive disability every time. Luckily for me, that is how the course of my MS seems to be going.

Acceptance seems to be one of the best ways to live with a chronic condition….really, to live life under any conditions. By acceptance I don’t mean complacency or resignation. I mean accepting what is true, what cannot be changed and making the most out of whatever abilities I do have.

According to the test, my cognitive function is great. Will it always be that way? I can only hope so and can take steps to maintain the status quo, both mentally and physically. But if it changes, I know exactly what will do. Make the most out of whatever abilities I do have.

Will I ever get into one of these studies? I can only hope not.

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Doing the best we can Part Four: "Never Underestimate The Power Of A Smile"

I found what I hope is the perfect ending to this series on doing the best you can. It is a very short video taken from ABC News of a graduation speech given by a very special young man. The video takes less than three minutes to watch and shows us all the power of what can be done when we do the best we can.

Student's Inspirational Graduation Speech

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Doing the best we can. Part three: Life and love.

Sometimes doing our best has nothing to do with physical accomplishments, careers or travels. It has to do with how we approach life, living and love. All too often, when faced with a chronic illness, a person dismisses the possibility of love and romance. After all, who would want to sign up for that in a relationship?

That said, meet Dan and Jennifer. They met several years ago, fell in love, got married and have been happy ever since. A typical love story, except for one thing. They both have multiple sclerosis.

Dan has relapsing-remitting MS and it is not as severe as Jennifer’s (or mine!). He works, he walks and he jogs about three times a week. He also cares for Jennifer.

Jennifer has secondary-progressive MS. She cannot work or walk. But she is a caregiver to Dan, helping in every way that she can.

Dan and Jennifer have something else too. They have a tremendous spirit and attitude that propels them to make a difference in the world. As a result, they are an example to everyone who knows or knows of them.

Having MS does not stop them from participating. In fact, just the opposite is true. They lead and inspire others. They fundraise, advocate and speak. They receive rewards and recognition and are featured in articles and videos. They have even figured out how to dance together. They are alive, in love and living with a chronic illness.

They are not only doing the best they can, they are doing great.

I have never met Dan and Jennifer, but have been a fan for some time now. I am always touched and inspired by the things they do and their extraordinary love for each other. Read Dan and Jennifer's blog and learn more about them. Learn about two people doing their best in life and love and be inspired to do the best you can.

Dan and Jennifer have a prayer that say every night and part of it is as follows:

“Gracious God, help Jennifer and me to accept your will in our illness. As your children we believe that you cause all things to work together for our good, both of body and of spirit. But sometimes in the midst of illness and pain we forget or doubt. Forgive our weak faith. When we become impatient, encourage us by your word. Despite our worries and suffering, help us by our lives to reflect the radiance and confidence of those certain of your promises of help. Restore us to sound health if it be your will, and enable us with new vigor and enthusiasm to serve you zealously for many years to come. O Lord, have mercy. Hear our prayer. Amen.”

I think their prayers are being answered.

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