One of the best weekends ever.

 Almost two weeks ago I told you about our pending trip to Dallas. Now we are back and all that I can say is that my experience was much greater than anything I ever could have imagined. The event, the National MS Society's Annual Leadership Conference, started on Thursday and ended on Saturday and in between were general sessions, breakout sessions, gala dinners, entertainment and more than 500 of the nicest, kindest and most caring people that you could ever meet.

Then it occurred to me. “Of course they are nice. After all, this is a cause.” The people who work for the MS Society are a kind and caring bunch, otherwise they would not work there. The people who volunteer and contribute at this level are kind and caring, otherwise they wouldn't be there.  To be immersed, among and gathered with all of these people was an absolute joy. It was a great thrill for me and a weekend that was filled with  praIses and accolades. I do not know if that is because of the job that I did or because they are so darn nice. Either way, it sure felt good.

 There were X Games Gold Medal winners, Clay Walker, David Osmond and a very talented 10-year-old girl who brought the house down when she sang “the Climb”. There were astronomical fundraisers who have raised millions of dollars for the society, activists who have helped make great changes in how Medicare treats those of us living with MS. There were students who were scholarship winners, researchers and clinicians. Barbecues, cocktails and a video being shot that had everybody singing and dancing.

 In other words, it was fun, moving, informative and inspiring. It was everything that you could hope for at an event like this. It was without a doubt one of the best experiences of my life. My only hope is that someday all of you have the opportunity to attend an MS Leadership Conference.

 Who knows? Maybe next year we can all meet up in Denver at the next conference.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Happy Birthday Mom.

If mom were still with us she would be 77 years old today. She died almost 9 years ago and she certainly left her mark on our family. In fact, I can tell you that not a single day goes by where she is not thought of, talked about or considered. “Mom would loved that movie.” “Mom would have loved Abby.” (Our son's new wife) “Mom would have been so proud.”

 I think that we can all agree that one way people live forever is by living in the hearts and minds of those who knew them, those who  were or are affected by them. My mom knew a lot of people and had a great impact on  many of them. Few people go as far out of their way to make life better for the ones they love then my mother did. She loved and she showed it, espeecially if you were on her  "A  list" is him and him and him. Whether you wanted it or not, if she thought that you needed it, you were going to get it. It could be a pair of shoes or a dining room table.

 From time to time we would get a call  from her in the morning telling us to look out the front door because she had left a package for us. She had driven an hour to bring us something only to turn around and drive home without any notice and without coming in to say hello. Really? Really? She didn't want to bother us or interrupt our busy schedules. At times she could be very frustrating, but she was always, always, always thinking of and doing for others.

 Regularly she would load up her car with a handful of senior citizens to take them to Knott's Berry Farm for a fried chicken dinner. She had no particular relationship with these people other than she thought that it would be nice for them to do. Other times she would be in public and if she spotted what seemed to be someone accompanying an elderly parent, she would become fixated on them and find a reason to go and talk with them. They were always so impressed by this “nice woman” who had approached them. Knowing my mother, she was looking to see if there was something that she could do for them.

 What a unique and special woman she was.

 My mom passed away almost 9 years ago and yet she is very much alive and well in our hearts and minds. That is why we celebrate her birthday. That is why we celebrate her everyday.

 Happy birthday Mom.

 Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

“Staying married is its own reward”

That phrase, “staying married is its own reward” was told to me almost 26 years ago.   I think that until someone has been married for 15 or 20 years, they cannot fully understand how meaningful and true that statement is. It is for me and I should know. Today is my 32nd wedding anniversary.

 There is an intimacy that comes with the knowledge and comfort of another person that comes with time. You know how they think, feel and breathe. You can hand them things before they ask, or know what is needed before they do. You can finish sentences for each other, help remember names, watch their diets, remind them to make calls, and let it be okay if they fall asleep watching TV. You might have disagreements, but then you go on.  They may be less than perfect (not me, but other people) and that is okay, it is part of who they are. That is how it is for us.

 There is a tremendous feeling that comes with just knowing that they are there.  They could be in the next room or laying next to you in bed, but the certainty that they are there is more than comforting. It is an assurance that all is right in the world. That is how it is for us.

Ask couples who have been married for quite a while what it takes to succeed and you will get a lot of different answers. “Don't go to bed angry.” “Always show respect to one another.” “Laugh at his jokes even if you have heard them 100 times.” I have an answer that I believe trumps all of that and I can tell it to you in a single word: gratitude….at least that is how it is for us.

Gratitude is the key to happiness in all areas of life and relationships are no different.  Gratitude must be felt and expressed, it must be shared or it is of no use. It must be genuine and never forgotten. At least that is how it is for us.

On the day we were married we were so grateful to have found one another. What we did not know then is that the expression of gratitude must be done regularly or it will be forgotten. Once forgotten, a partner can be taken for granted and when that happens there can be troubles in the relationship.

Today our relationship is better and stronger than ever. Why is that? Because we have learned about gratitude, feel grateful and constantly express our gratitude to one another.

Today I am very grateful. Grateful to have found someone to share my life with. Grateful to have found someone to build a life with. Grateful to have a partner that is loving, kind, affectionate and so much more.

Happy anniversary, Gail. I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Lasagna in your trunk.

December 12th was the 8 year anniversary of my mother's passing away.

cember 12th was the 8 year anniversary of my mother's passing away.


Regardless of one's religious  or spiritual views, one thing that we can all agree on is that people live on in the hearts and minds of those that knew and loved them. For some, that is a lot of people. It certainly was in my mother's case. She touched the lives of hundreds, maybe thousands of people during her short time with us. She cared more than most. She went out of her way more than most. She made a difference to those that she knew and loved and to strangers too.

Strangers?  I can remember that when I was a teenager, she saw a homeless man and for some reason  he really pulled her heartstrings. She ran home and got blankets, sweaters, snacks and went right back to deliver them to the homeless man. She needed to do something for him.

She had a huge heart that knew no boundaries. Some would say that she cared too much. I would never say that. What I would say is that she was a little crazy…..maybe more than a little. For so many years it seemed as though she never left her house without a cooked turkey or a sheet of lasagna in a cooler in her trunk. After all, you never know when you might meet someone who needs a turkey or lasagna! When my cousin Jon married Marcella it seemed as though it was months before they made their own dinner. Why is that? Because early in the morning my mother would drop off a complete meal for the two of them. If my mother wanted you to have something, she figured out a way to get it to you, whether you wanted it or not. She was a master of covert operations.

While it may sound like she was more than a little annoying, she wasn't and nobody minded her eccentricities because it all came from a place of love. It all came from her heart. She spent her life taking care of those that she loved most, often neglecting her own needs and health. That is part of the reason why when diagnosed with cancer it was already at stage IV. Our lesson learned: you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.

My mother taught us many things. She taught us how to share and to care more and how that can make a difference. She taught us how to give without expecting anything in return. She taught us that when we do things for others, and it comes from our heart, there is no limit of how much we can give.

December 12 may be the anniversary of the day she died. It is certainly a day to remember her. In my case, so was 2 days ago And 4 days ago and 11 days ago. I can honestly say that I think about her every day and that I am not alone. She was extraordinarily close with my wife and my children, my brother and his family, cousins, neighbors, her accountant, insurance agent, colleagues and more. The day that she died may seem like an unusual reason for remembering her. But I see it as just one more reason to remember her. After all, I do it every day.

You may be gone, Mom. But you are still a part of our lives and that is how we keep you living forever.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

What are you doing on Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I suppose that the food has a lot to do with it. I also love seeing so many of my family and friends that I could never see often enough. We also do a lot of reminiscing on Thanksgiving, or at least I do and have every intention of doing the same thing at this year's Thanksgiving.

A day to give thanks. Really? Really? Just one day? To me, giving thanks is something to be done daily, if not several times a day.  My good friend, let's call him Jim, has been in a program for many years. While in the program he had a sponsor and they spoke to each other almost daily. Every conversation started the same way. " What are you grateful for today, Jim?"  WOW!  That is powerful stuff. Imagine if we all took the time to think about what we are grateful for, or thankful for each and every day. Do you think it would make a difference in our world? I do.

At the risk of being redundant and repeating myself and being redundant, as I have said many times before, gratitude is the key to happiness. Gratitude is the same thing as being thankful. Being thankful is what we are called to do today. This has nothing to do with religion or faith. It has entirely to do with how we choose to live our lives and see the world.

I recently saw a video of a man speaking about "The Happiness Advantage". In it the speaker discusses how so many people believe that they will be happy " when…". His argument, and it is a good one too, is that people who are happy are more likely to be successful than those who postpone their happiness until something happens. (The video is long and he does not start speaking until 33 min. into it. I promise you it is worth waiting for.)  I say why wait? If gratitude leads to happiness, then Thanksgiving seems to be as good of a time as any to start being thankful. 

I am asking everyone to do one thing today. After the greetings and the hugs, maybe even before dinner and drinking, take a minute. Think about what and who you are thankful for. If you are gathered around the table, tell everyone what you are thankful for and ask them to do the same. Give this Thanksgiving its full meaning and purpose. Be thankful, and then be happy that you have so much to be thankful for.

For me and my family  Thanksgiving is a very special holiday that I have written about in the past. For one thing this holiday is definitely a big part of "My mother's legacy"and I suppose that has a lot to do with why "Today I feel thankful."

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Enjoy the holiday……. and all of your leftovers.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

How to be beautiful

One of my favorite greeting cards reads "For your birthday I was going to get you a day of beauty for $175. But all I could afford was a day of relatively attractive for $35."

Just a couple of weeks ago I went to the movies with my wife and my travel companion, my wheel chair. While there a woman approached me and much to my surprise said "You're beautiful. Oh my God, you are beautiful" and then began to awkwardly apologize. She went on to explain that she wasn't used to seeing attractive people in a wheelchair, but I think she was saying much more than that.

I am not beautiful. There are no beauty pageants in my future. No one has ever come up to me and said that before. What she was really confessing was that her image of a person in a wheelchair was of someone 'unattractive'. That a wheelchair somehow suggested a deformity or disfigurement and thankfully, I don't have either of those. What I do have, and many of us with disabilities have, is to have combat those expectations of being unattractive, deformed, mentally incompetent (STUPID), hard of hearing or somehow less than ``the more able bodied occupants of our planet'.

So let me tell you what I do. I smile at people and say hello. I start conversations with strangers. I make it a point to be seen as the happy guy in the wheelchair….whether at the movies, the grocery store, the doctors office or the airport. Some of the places we go to regularly know me for that and if I have somehow changed their expectations of a guy in a wheelchair, than the world is a nicer place and we are all better off.

Do smiling, saying hello and being friendly make someone more attractive? I think so and apparently the woman at the movie theater thought so too.

Whether in a wheelchair or not, become known as the happy guy. Change people's expectations of how people are and how you are. Smile, say hello, ask a stranger "how are you today" and see what happens.

My guess is that before too long, someone will tell that you are beautiful

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

The power of the internet to do good. More about Chelsea's Hope

I wrote a blog about 18 months ago called "What if it was your child?' It is about my niece, Chelsea who has an extremely rare and always fatal condition called Lafora Disease.

It is so rare that there are only a couple hundred known cases worldwide. There is also no treatment and no cure. Here is what we know about Lafora today:

Kids are typically diagnosed in their early teens

The mental and physical deterioration occur rapidly

No one with Lafora has lived to be 30 years old

Life expectancy is usually about ten years from the date of diagnosis. Chelsea was diagnosed almost six years ago.

What does all this have to do with the internet? Plenty.

Increased awareness means increased funding for research and treatment. Chelsea, or rather Chelsea's Hope, a non-profit organization founded by  her incredible parents is now in the final round of a contest sponsored by Toyota. 

If we win, a car will be decorated and dedicated to Chelsea's Hope. To win we need votes which you can do every day until May 1st. We need your vote.  We need your friends to vote. We need you to go onto Facebook or MySpace or Linked In or whatever social  network you belong to and help us generate as many votes as you can. That is the power of the internet to do good in the world. But if we do nothing, nothing will happen.

Voting is simple. Just CLICK HERE.

To learn more about Chelsea's Hope, CLICK HERE.

To make a difference I the world, TELL A FRIEND.

That is the power of he internet to do good in the world. I hope you will help us to do that.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Birthday Balderdash

I have written about birthdays in the past, yet they seem to keep coming. What’s the deal with that? Sure, I am getting older but I was getting older yesterday too and nobody said anything then.

Birthdays are like a law of nature. They are going to happen no matter what we do. We inhale and then we exhale. We continue to wake up each day and we continue to have birthdays. As sure as the calendar changes each day, a birthday is likely to occur.

What’s changed? What is different? Technology. Today I received (and the day is not over) nearly 50 birthday greetings on Facebook, a half dozen e-mails and several birthday cards. I expect more before the day is over. (For some reason I haven’t got anything from Plaxo or Linked-In. Hmmmm???)

What’s good about getting older? AARP membership? (Now you only have to be 50) Restaurant and movie discounts? (I am not old enough yet. But soon.) Medicare? Social Security? More people calling you Sir or Ma’am? (Of course, I can’t hear them anyway)

What blows me away about getting older is how long you can say you have done things for. Graduated high school 35 years ago. Friends for almos t 40 years. Had my real estate license for 32 year. Children who are 26 and 28…….and my favorite, been married for over 30 years.

I’ll tell you what’s good about getting older.

Getting older, for many of us, is an opportunity to be more grateful, more appreciative of all the good things that fill our lives. In particular, relationships, both old and new. It is also wonderful to be thought of by so many people that you know that took the time to send a birthday greeting. Evidently, the world is filled with a lot of kind people.

I like getting older. Firstly, it beats the hell out of the alternative. Secondly, it is a great reminder of all the people that matter to (even if it is just a Facebook greeting) and that matter to me. Third and finally, I usually get some presents.

Birthday balderdash? I don’t think so. I made donations to honor my friends this year, but clearly, I could never give enough.

Happy birthday? You bet it is.

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It takes a village…..or at least it’s better that way.

There are always at least two ways to do everything. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Alone or with others.

I like to do things with others. In fact, I am certain that my life is better because of all the people in it. I can say with certainty that as a person with a disability, my life is also easier because of all the people in it.

If I need help, someone is there to help. If I need someone to talk to, someone is there to listen. If I need a laugh, someone is there to play with or share a joke. When I am there to listen to someone else, than I know that I am of value to another person.

Having people in your life and being involved with others is a great reminder that you are alive and worthwhile. It can also help one forget about their troubles for awhile and that is always a good thing.

I recently read an article about isolation (InsideMS /Healthy Living / Isolation) that was written by my friend Alison Dale. It turns out that isolation is a pretty big problem in our MS community and is often a problem for anyone living with a chronic condition. I am guessing that it is a problem for many people without a chronic condition as well. (Isolation can lead to depression and that can be a serious problem. If you or someone you know suffers from depression, please get help.)

There are many reasons why and how a person becomes isolated. Some may have to do with physical limitations or disability. Some with fatigue and sometimes it is just the belief that no one understands or cares. Whatever the reason, isolation means being alone and being alone is no way too spend all of your time.

If you are alone and don’t want to be, do something about it. Call a friend and invite them over. Go to church or temple and find ways to get involved there. Join a club or service organization. Volunteer. There are hundreds of ways to get involved with others and millions of nice, caring people in the world. Finding them is not difficult. It just requires a little initiative.

If you are not a likeable person, become one. Learn to ask questions of and about others and listen to their answers. Practice gratitude. Say hello to strangers and learn to smile. You will get back what you put out and will soon find that you have created your own community.

If you are not alone, go find someone who is. Make a difference in someone else’s life. You will both be glad that you did.

Life is better when you have people to share it with. For some people that may mean marriage or family. For others, it may mean friends or belonging to a group.

Having a full, rich, meaningful life requires people to be in it. In my case, it takes (or at least I have) a village.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Five Rules for a Happy Life

I have my share of problems and challenges. I have stress, financial worries, children to worry about and a million other daily “life issues” just like everybody else does. I also have a disability and chronic disease that keeps me from working and walking. But none of that keeps me from waking up happy every day of my life.

I have broken down ‘my approach’ to life into five simple rules that I want to share with you. Why? Because they work for me. Maybe they will work for you too.

The rules are as follows:

RULE ONE: The last person you should be thinking about is you. If you are thinking about yourself, then have that thought start with “How fortunate I am”, “How lucky I am”, “How blessed I am.” Or ask questions like “How can I help?”, “What difference can I make?” But if you are thinking “Poor me”, get off the pity pot! Happiness begins with gratitude and making a difference to others.

Don’t get me wrong, we do have to think about ourselves sometimes. We have to take care of ourselves and our physical and spiritual needs. “Necessity is the mother of invention” and many of the advances that we enjoy today were the result of somebody having a problem and solving it. But if focusing on your own problems is getting you down, try focusing on and helping someone else. It will help. Remember, things could always be worse.

RULE TWO: Trust everyone. You will find that you make mistakes sometimes, but being trusting is a much better way to approach life. If you live and work in such a way that your life is an open book, you will have nothing to worry about, people will trust you and be trustworthy.

RULE THREE: Know that everything in life happens for a reason. Expect life.

Scott Peck begins his book “The Road Less Traveled” with three simple and powerful words: “Life is difficult.” He goes on to explain that the challenge many of us face has to do with our expecting life to be easy and it isn’t. He then goes on to say “that once we see this truth, we transcend it.” In other words, just knowing and expecting that life will be difficult, makes it less difficult.

Some people I know say “always expect the worse and you will never be disappointed”. I disagree. Remember, everything that happens in life happens for a reason. We get to choose what the reason is. Find something of value in every event and circumstance and you will never need to expect the worst.

RULE FOUR: Make a difference. Be involved with something. Don’t just be a member. Be a participant. Show up. Don’t sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else have all the fun. Do more. Give more. Play more. Write more. Love more. If you want more out of life, if you want to be able to say “I got more then I gave”, be a participant.

RULE FIVE: If you are not happy about something, change it. If you can’t change it, then change the way you feel or think about it. The one thing in life that we can control is how we feel about things, our judgments. Exercise that ability and you will build strong character and be a happier person.

Problems? Challenges? Sure. I have as many or more than the next guy. But those problems don’t mean that my glass is half empty or half full. My glass is overflowing.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

What will you do?

The National MS Society has declared March 8-14 “National MS Awareness Week” and the MS Foundation calls March the “National MS Education and Awareness Month”. With that said, the question is “what will you do?”

Over the past few years we have become increasingly involved with the National MS Society. What I have learned from that involvement is that most everybody wants to help. They just don’t know what to do. Below are a few suggestions and I hope they will help you.

Join one of 600 MS Walks taking place from coast to coast
Better yet, join our team, the JiggyWiggits on April 18th at the Greater LA Walk around the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. The Walk is a great way to spend the day and participate in raising money to find a cure.
Click here to Join or Donate or Find A Walk Near You

Become an MS Activist
This is easy to do, free and makes a huge difference. The more voices we have, the more we are heard. The more we are heard, the better the research funding, legislation, services and more for people living with MS.
Be an MS activist.

Be a volunteer
Volunteers are needed and make it all happen. They assist with all the big events (The Walk, the Bike Ride and Challenge Walk) and with individual support and activities (Peer counseling, financial aid, referrals and resources).
Click here to Volunteer

Learn something new and share it
There is so much to know and so much information available that it is impossible for any one person to stay on top of it all. Fortunately, the National MS Society does a pretty good job of that. But having the info on their website is not enough. It needs to be read and shared with others. Learn something new about research and treatments and share it with someone you know.
Learn Something New About MS Research and Treatment

Join an MS Support Group
If you live with or are caring for someone with MS, then there is probably a Community Support Group near you. These groups provide a forum for the exchange of information and ideas on living better with MS. Join the community. No one has to go through this alone.
Support Groups In Southern California
Find a Chapter of the MS Society near you.

Host your own fundraiser
Carwashes, bake sales and lemonade stands. There are a million ways to help raise money for research and treatment of MS. All you need to get started is to click here:
Host your own fundraiser

Ask somebody to donate to the cause
For many people, fundraising is a four letter word. But after years of experience, I know how to make it easy. Ask the people that you give money to for help. Ask your doctor, lawyer or accountant to donate. Ask your insurance agent, electrician or plumber to help. And, if you ask everyone that you give money to for a donation, they will do it. It is a very simple concept. “You wash my back and I will wash yours.” But if you don’t ask, you don’t get. So do it today. Send them to our link. You’ll feel good and they will too.
Click here to Join or Donate

The first step is to increase awareness. With increased awareness comes increased funding. With increased funding comes a cure. We can all be a part of the cure for MS. The only question is “What will you do?”

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Kind of matters.

Have you ever tried changing lanes on the LA freeway system? Fought for a parking space at Costco on a weekend day? Waited in line only to have someone jump in front of you and had to say “Excuse, but I think I was next???” If you have, and have had those experiences repeatedly as I have, then you will understand why I say that I never expected our world to be a particularly kind place. Each man for himself. Survival of the fittest. Dog eat dog and so on.

It turns out that I was wrong. Our world is filled with kind people. I know this because I am the beneficiary of random acts of kindness from complete strangers almost every day of my life. Living with a disability has taught me that.

My disability has progressed as my disease has. In time I needed a cane, then a walker and now use a wheelchair from time to time. As my disability became more visible to the outside world, I began experiencing more and more of these acts of kindness.

I used to travel for work and often someone, a complete stranger, would see my awkwardness, grab my bags and help me get on or off a shuttle to or from the airport. One day I was getting in my car and dropped something as I was fumbling with my keys. A stranger driving down the street pulled over, jumped out of his car and handed me the dropped items. Random acts of kindness from complete strangers. WOW!

These repeated experiences have completely changed my view. The world is filled with kind people who are willing and ready to help a stranger. Random acts of kindness are much more common than I ever dreamed of and as the beneficiary, I make it a point to acknowledge and thank these people from the bottom of my heart.

But kindness is often more than performing a simple task or favor. Kindness reveals itself in many different ways. It may be in the form of an anonymous donation to a cause or simply picking up an item at a store for someone because it may be wanted or needed.

Kindness can be the act of just listening to a loved one or a complete stranger who just needs to be heard or get something off their chest. It could be as simple as saying “hello” and “how are you” to someone who rarely gets asked at their job or work, like a cashier or bank teller or someone working behind the counter at a fast food franchise.

Kindness reveals itself in a thousand different ways. But it always is a selfless act that for at least a moment, makes someone else’s life better. I know. Acts of kindness continue to fill every day of my life.


I have learned to expect the best from people and am rarely ever disappointed. There are times when I need help and today I am confident that I always can and will always find it. It turns out that the human race is a pretty good one to be a part of. My faith is restored. Kind people are kind people and there are plenty of them.

That has been my experience. What is your experience? Is the world a kind place? Or is it cruel? Do people really care about their fellow man? I would love to know about your experiences.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.