A high tolerance for pain.

One day, I was working with an acupuncturist and she was burning incense on the palm of my hand. She told me to let her know when it gets too hot and she would remove it, but to try and keep it there for as long as I could. Well, I kept it there as long as I could letting the incense burn all the way through to the skin. She asked why I waited so long? She had said to keep it there for as long as I could and that's what I did! I kept it there much longer than a normal human being would have done. Why? Because I have a high tolerance for pain.

There are different kinds of pains that I get from living with MS, and some are worse than others. They can range from aches to extreme itching to deep nerve pain. I know that I can count on experiencing at least a couple of them every day. I also know that when I'm feeling pain, that it will go away. For me, I think that knowing it will go away is a big part of tolerating pain.

Don't get me wrong. I feel the pain. I grit my teeth's and sometimes writhe in pain. Occasionally I will let out a few expletives. So it is not that I do not feel "the nail going through my foot”. I do. I am just able to tolerate it. Again, knowing that it will go away is a big part of how I tolerate pain.

Pain can be more than physical. There also emotional pains.  Pains that one experiences when they or someone close to them are diagnosed with an illness. Pains that are felt when a family member or friend or someone important to them passes away. I seem to have a high tolerance for these pains too. The questions are how and why.

The answer for emotional pain is partially the same as it is for physical pain. I know that it will go away. “Time heals all wounds”. The cliché is always true, but there are other ways that I deal with the emotional pain.  What seems to work best for me is gratitude and perspective.

I was very close with my mother. She was an extraordinarily active and vital woman who spent her life taking care of other people. She took care of her mother, her husband, and did everything she could to take care of our family too. But it did not stop with family. Whenever she saw or met someone that she thought she could help, she did. She also died at the age of 68.

Dozens of people responded to her death by saying “she was so young”. My response was that 68 is not young. It is just not a particularly long life. In fact, we were lucky to have had her for as long as we did.

She was not young. It is just that her life was not long enough. Her life wouldn't have been long enough even if she lived to be 120 years old. For me, the best way to accept her passing was to be grateful for all the years that I had with her.

The best way to deal with pain, be it physical or emotional, is gratitude. Grateful in knowing that the physical pain will go away. Grateful in knowing person for as long as I did.

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One of the best weekends ever.

 Almost two weeks ago I told you about our pending trip to Dallas. Now we are back and all that I can say is that my experience was much greater than anything I ever could have imagined. The event, the National MS Society's Annual Leadership Conference, started on Thursday and ended on Saturday and in between were general sessions, breakout sessions, gala dinners, entertainment and more than 500 of the nicest, kindest and most caring people that you could ever meet.

Then it occurred to me. “Of course they are nice. After all, this is a cause.” The people who work for the MS Society are a kind and caring bunch, otherwise they would not work there. The people who volunteer and contribute at this level are kind and caring, otherwise they wouldn't be there.  To be immersed, among and gathered with all of these people was an absolute joy. It was a great thrill for me and a weekend that was filled with  praIses and accolades. I do not know if that is because of the job that I did or because they are so darn nice. Either way, it sure felt good.

 There were X Games Gold Medal winners, Clay Walker, David Osmond and a very talented 10-year-old girl who brought the house down when she sang “the Climb”. There were astronomical fundraisers who have raised millions of dollars for the society, activists who have helped make great changes in how Medicare treats those of us living with MS. There were students who were scholarship winners, researchers and clinicians. Barbecues, cocktails and a video being shot that had everybody singing and dancing.

 In other words, it was fun, moving, informative and inspiring. It was everything that you could hope for at an event like this. It was without a doubt one of the best experiences of my life. My only hope is that someday all of you have the opportunity to attend an MS Leadership Conference.

 Who knows? Maybe next year we can all meet up in Denver at the next conference.

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To me it is a very big deal!

I feel like I've told lots of people about this. Yet, almost every day I realize that I've left somebody out and the fact is that I want everybody to know.

 In mid-August I was contacted by the National MS Society. Not the local chapter where we normally direct a lot of our time and attention, but the Big One, the Parent, the Behemoth, the “national” National MS Society asking me if I would co-emcee their National Leadership Conference to be held in Dallas next week. Me?  They were asking me? There are a lot of Michael Gerbers in the world. Did they really mean me? They did and there have been very few times in my life where I have felt so honored and excited to be asked to participate in something. This was one of those times.

 As the song says "Our bags are packed. We're ready to go.” We are actually leaving a few days early to visit a very close friend in Austin, which we are also excited about. In fact, it will be a reunion for four us who have known each other for more than 35 years and who live in different cities across the country. Then it is off to Dallas for the really big show. An opportunity for us to meet and greet the real movers and shakers behind the MS Society. Individuals who have raised more than $1,000,000, companies that have raised millions of dollars, researchers who are at the forefront of the progress being made to lead us to a cure and the management and staff of the Society that make it all happen. 

 “The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.” Our journey is thousands of miles (round trip, that is) and begins with an airplane ride. I promise to share some of the details when I return. Until then, I trust that your good wishes are with me as mine are with you every single day.

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Happy Birthday Mom.

If mom were still with us she would be 77 years old today. She died almost 9 years ago and she certainly left her mark on our family. In fact, I can tell you that not a single day goes by where she is not thought of, talked about or considered. “Mom would loved that movie.” “Mom would have loved Abby.” (Our son's new wife) “Mom would have been so proud.”

 I think that we can all agree that one way people live forever is by living in the hearts and minds of those who knew them, those who  were or are affected by them. My mom knew a lot of people and had a great impact on  many of them. Few people go as far out of their way to make life better for the ones they love then my mother did. She loved and she showed it, espeecially if you were on her  "A  list" is him and him and him. Whether you wanted it or not, if she thought that you needed it, you were going to get it. It could be a pair of shoes or a dining room table.

 From time to time we would get a call  from her in the morning telling us to look out the front door because she had left a package for us. She had driven an hour to bring us something only to turn around and drive home without any notice and without coming in to say hello. Really? Really? She didn't want to bother us or interrupt our busy schedules. At times she could be very frustrating, but she was always, always, always thinking of and doing for others.

 Regularly she would load up her car with a handful of senior citizens to take them to Knott's Berry Farm for a fried chicken dinner. She had no particular relationship with these people other than she thought that it would be nice for them to do. Other times she would be in public and if she spotted what seemed to be someone accompanying an elderly parent, she would become fixated on them and find a reason to go and talk with them. They were always so impressed by this “nice woman” who had approached them. Knowing my mother, she was looking to see if there was something that she could do for them.

 What a unique and special woman she was.

 My mom passed away almost 9 years ago and yet she is very much alive and well in our hearts and minds. That is why we celebrate her birthday. That is why we celebrate her everyday.

 Happy birthday Mom.

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“Staying married is its own reward”

That phrase, “staying married is its own reward” was told to me almost 26 years ago.   I think that until someone has been married for 15 or 20 years, they cannot fully understand how meaningful and true that statement is. It is for me and I should know. Today is my 32nd wedding anniversary.

 There is an intimacy that comes with the knowledge and comfort of another person that comes with time. You know how they think, feel and breathe. You can hand them things before they ask, or know what is needed before they do. You can finish sentences for each other, help remember names, watch their diets, remind them to make calls, and let it be okay if they fall asleep watching TV. You might have disagreements, but then you go on.  They may be less than perfect (not me, but other people) and that is okay, it is part of who they are. That is how it is for us.

 There is a tremendous feeling that comes with just knowing that they are there.  They could be in the next room or laying next to you in bed, but the certainty that they are there is more than comforting. It is an assurance that all is right in the world. That is how it is for us.

Ask couples who have been married for quite a while what it takes to succeed and you will get a lot of different answers. “Don't go to bed angry.” “Always show respect to one another.” “Laugh at his jokes even if you have heard them 100 times.” I have an answer that I believe trumps all of that and I can tell it to you in a single word: gratitude….at least that is how it is for us.

Gratitude is the key to happiness in all areas of life and relationships are no different.  Gratitude must be felt and expressed, it must be shared or it is of no use. It must be genuine and never forgotten. At least that is how it is for us.

On the day we were married we were so grateful to have found one another. What we did not know then is that the expression of gratitude must be done regularly or it will be forgotten. Once forgotten, a partner can be taken for granted and when that happens there can be troubles in the relationship.

Today our relationship is better and stronger than ever. Why is that? Because we have learned about gratitude, feel grateful and constantly express our gratitude to one another.

Today I am very grateful. Grateful to have found someone to share my life with. Grateful to have found someone to build a life with. Grateful to have a partner that is loving, kind, affectionate and so much more.

Happy anniversary, Gail. I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

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What I stand for. What we walk for.

I have not stood or walked for more than 18 months.  

What you may not know is that I will stand and walk again soon. No kidding. I have found what may be the world's greatest physical therapist. I have worked with more than a dozen therapists in the past few years, but they pale in comparison to Emily. She is extraordinary, extremely knowledgeable (bordering on being a nerd) and also has an incredible spirit, always positive, very encouraging and is someone that I look forward to seeing several times a week.

Fortunately for me I am in a position where I can commit to seeing her 4 days a week. No, my insurance does not pay for it. It might pay for much of it if she took Medicare, but she does not. She used to, but the paperwork became so burdensome that she had to drop it. Private insurance will typically pay for about 18 visits per year. When going 4 times a week, the 18 visits get absorbed very quickly. So I pay for it. It is expensive for us and we do it anyway. She does give me a great discount, much less than Medicare would pay her, and I am very grateful for that.

The bottom line is this: I will stand and walk again.

Not everyone with MS who has lost these abilities can say that. I can. I am living proof that the right physical therapist and a whole lot of determination works.

 When we started therapy, she carefully examined my legs and determined that my muscles were very small and very weak. But I still had muscle, enough to build on and that is what we have been doing for the past several months. My leg strength has improved dramatically, I am able to straighten my leg more than I have been able to do for the past few years and my core continues to become stronger with every passing week. Now we are at a point where I am standing. It is not pretty, but it is beautiful. Click on the video below and see for yourself.

The amount of work involved to recover those abilities is great. My therapist, has a rule of thumb. The time required to regain those abilities,  may be equal to the amount of time spent in the wheelchair. Based on her rule of thumb, I have 10 more months to go. Baloney! I am determined to do it sooner and prove to the world and myself that it can be done.

Proving this, exercising my influence over this disease, is what I am determined to do. It is what I stand for.

The good news is that I do not stand alone. We have one of the largest teams at the Greater LA Walk MS event which takes place Sunday, April 15^th. Last year nearly 10,000 people showed up for the Walk and it was something very special to be a part of. Nearly 100 people showed up to walk with us on our team, the JiggyWiggits Some of our friends walk, some give money, some do both. What they all do is participate and that makes all the difference in the world to us.

This will be our 6th year of participating in the MS Walk. What I have learned is that everybody I know wants to do something to help and often they do not know what they can do. The MS Walk gives everyone something to do that makes a difference. There are about 600 MS Walk events that take place from coast to coast. In other words, there is a Walk taking place near everyone you know.

These MS Walks raise millions and millions of dollars for the National MS Society that are used to support research, programs and services for people living with MS. This is this money that will lead us to a cure and better treatments.

This is the money needed so that no one will ever have to learn to walk again. This is what we walk for.

Please join us and support the JiggyWiggits. Visit our website and join our team. Come and be a part of something special or support us with your generosity. It can and will make a difference.

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Amazing Perspective....."The Options Are Limited”

I wrote this three years ago and came across it again recently. For me, it is more relevant than ever and I thought it was worth posting again. I hope that you agree.


I don’t remember all the details, but the moment is forever etched in my mind.


One day I was talking with a woman. We were just getting to know one another and she began to tell me about her life. It was extraordinary and amazing. I had never met or even heard of anyone whose life was filled with so much tragedy. It was truly extraordinary.


Her parents had died in a car accident when she was young.
Her first child was born severely retarded.
Her husband died leaving her with two children to care for, both under the age of ten.
She herself was battling cancer.


I think that is a lot for any one person to have to deal with. I even told her so. Then I asked “How do you do it? How do you get out of bed every day and face the world?”


Her answer was so simple. But at that moment it struck me as profound. Four simple words that I have repeated so many times since that day we spoke and that I will never forget. “The options are limited.”


Sure. She had a choice to make and every day she chose to get out of bed and face the world. She was alive and chose to live. In spite of her problems, her past traumas, and what seemed like insurmountable odds, she wasn’t done yet. As long as there was breath in her lungs, she was going to live her life the best she could.


Am I faced with challenges? Of course. We all are. Having problems is a condition of being alive. So I say bring it on. Let me face every problem as an opportunity. Let me deal with the challenges that I face in a way that makes me feel alive. Let me always remember the strength, courage and wisdom of the woman I met who taught me that “the options are limited.”


I love being alive. After all, the options are limited.


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New Year's resolution: Meet Michael J. Fox

Michael J. Fox is one of my heroes. This is not because he is famous or one of the world’s great actors, although he is very good. It is because he uses the power of his celebrity to do good in the world. He also maintains an extraordinary attitude while living with a chronic disease.

A few years ago he wrote a book: "Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist”. What a great book. It is about his life and more importantly about living a happy, productive and full life in spite of living with a chronic illness: Parkinson's disease.

I wrote him a letter and received a form letter in return. Silly me. He probably receives hundreds of letters every day from his fans and my letter was just like all the rest, but not to me! In it I explained that while he may be suffering from "Incurable Optimism", I was living with a condition that is far worse. You see, I have "Chronic Euphoria”. The doctors have told me that I am far too happy for my circumstances and that there is no treatment.

That is what my letter to Michael J. Fox was about.  Not your typical fan mail. I would love for him to read it and, if the opportunity is made available, would love to meet him. I am hoping that somehow, someway we can get this letter to him. So I am asking for your help. If you happen to know that "McFly" guy, or knows someone who does, would you please pass my letter on to him? The letter is posted below.

LESSON: If you don't ask, you don't get.

I will let you know what happens….and thank you.

Dear Michael;

While you may be suffering from Incurable Optimism, I live with Chronic Euphoria. The doctors have told me that I am far too happy for my circumstances and there is nothing they can do.

                                     

My condition is a challenge for me. I have to wake up happy everyday and am not able to see my world as a glass that is half-full. Instead my glass is always over-flowing. I have more blessings than I can begin to count and have had to hire a new accountant to help me do that.

Next week I am seeing a cardiologist because my heart is always full. Then, I am going to the ophthalmologist because I seem to be having a problem with my perspective.

Clearly, my condition is much worse than yours……..don’t you think?

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. When I heard about your upcoming show, immediately I wanted to write to you and say “Me too”. Like you, I live with a disease, multiple sclerosis, that has greatly affected my physical abilities. Yet living with a disability has taught me about gratitude, much more than I ever could have learned in a life without incident. Again like you, these past several years have been some of the happiest years of my life.

We are not alone. I have found many people, often severely impaired by their disability, who have discovered the key to waking up happy every day of their life: GRATITUDE. That is my theory and philosophy. I imagine that yours is similar.

I also have a confession to make. You are one of my heroes. I say that because you have and continue to use the power of celebrity to do good in the world.  You are a visible representation to the world of what it means to be alive, functioning and living with a disability. My goals is to increase the visibility of disability. You do that today.

I am not in the entertainment business, but have met a number of celebrities over the years. Truthfully, I am not impressed by someone because of their status. But, rather who they are as a person, who they are in the world. You, sir, are someone who impresses me. If the opportunity was made available, I would be thrilled and honored to meet you.

With warmest regards and my very best wishes,

Michael B. Gerber

Cell (213) 804-1249

michaelbgerber@gmail.com

www.mgerber.blogspot.com – “Perspective Is Everything”

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Lasagna in your trunk.

December 12th was the 8 year anniversary of my mother's passing away.

cember 12th was the 8 year anniversary of my mother's passing away.


Regardless of one's religious  or spiritual views, one thing that we can all agree on is that people live on in the hearts and minds of those that knew and loved them. For some, that is a lot of people. It certainly was in my mother's case. She touched the lives of hundreds, maybe thousands of people during her short time with us. She cared more than most. She went out of her way more than most. She made a difference to those that she knew and loved and to strangers too.

Strangers?  I can remember that when I was a teenager, she saw a homeless man and for some reason  he really pulled her heartstrings. She ran home and got blankets, sweaters, snacks and went right back to deliver them to the homeless man. She needed to do something for him.

She had a huge heart that knew no boundaries. Some would say that she cared too much. I would never say that. What I would say is that she was a little crazy…..maybe more than a little. For so many years it seemed as though she never left her house without a cooked turkey or a sheet of lasagna in a cooler in her trunk. After all, you never know when you might meet someone who needs a turkey or lasagna! When my cousin Jon married Marcella it seemed as though it was months before they made their own dinner. Why is that? Because early in the morning my mother would drop off a complete meal for the two of them. If my mother wanted you to have something, she figured out a way to get it to you, whether you wanted it or not. She was a master of covert operations.

While it may sound like she was more than a little annoying, she wasn't and nobody minded her eccentricities because it all came from a place of love. It all came from her heart. She spent her life taking care of those that she loved most, often neglecting her own needs and health. That is part of the reason why when diagnosed with cancer it was already at stage IV. Our lesson learned: you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.

My mother taught us many things. She taught us how to share and to care more and how that can make a difference. She taught us how to give without expecting anything in return. She taught us that when we do things for others, and it comes from our heart, there is no limit of how much we can give.

December 12 may be the anniversary of the day she died. It is certainly a day to remember her. In my case, so was 2 days ago And 4 days ago and 11 days ago. I can honestly say that I think about her every day and that I am not alone. She was extraordinarily close with my wife and my children, my brother and his family, cousins, neighbors, her accountant, insurance agent, colleagues and more. The day that she died may seem like an unusual reason for remembering her. But I see it as just one more reason to remember her. After all, I do it every day.

You may be gone, Mom. But you are still a part of our lives and that is how we keep you living forever.

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Old Stories

Age is different than it used to be. When I was a kid and my grandfather was 65 years old, he was a little old man. Back then many companies had mandatory retirement at age 65. Today people in their 60’s are an active, vital part of the workforce. It was rare that you met someone who was in their 80's and today it is a common occurrence. More and more I meet people in their 90's and I love it. Especially when these "mature” members of our community are still active and vital and ALERT!

Over the years I have gathered a few stories about these “Super Seniors”. This blog is written to share a few of these stories with you.

Meet Uncle Sam and Uncle Larry

Uncle Sam and Uncle Larry were identical twins, always have been and as far as I know, always will be. Sam lived to be 94 years old. When he passed the doctor said that Harry will probably pass within 30 days and he did. This is not uncommon for identical twins. It is also great that they both lived so long.

The story about Uncle Sam

Uncle Sam was a happy man. Most days were started with a couple of Bloody Mary's followed by a visit to the putting green right outside his door. He was happy for several reasons. One is that his hearing was not so good. I often say that he was happy because he hadn't heard anything that anybody said for 20 years. (Maybe we could learn from that!) Everyone knew that he had a hearing aid because we could all hear the ringing noise that it made. That is, everyone could hear it, but Uncle Sam.

After my great, wonderful and beautiful Aunt Elaine, Sam's wife of many years, passed away he got a much younger girlfriend who was only in her 70's.

The story is that one morning Sam's grandson's wife called to check on him and the conversation went like this.

" Grandpa Sam, it's Jenny"

" Who Is it?"

" it's Jenny. Steve's wife, Jenny.”

" I can’t hear you and don't know who this is, but I can't talk right now. I have just taken a Viagra and my girlfriends coming over." CLICK

There goes a happy 94-year-old man.

The story about Uncle Larry

One day I was out with my family and we ran into Uncle Larry at a deli close to where he lived. We had just a short conversation and he said one of the greatest things I have ever heard.

"Uncle Larry, how are you feeling?”

"The closer I get to 100, the worse I feel."

If that is not the good news and the bad news all rolled into one, then I don't know what is. 

My friend's aunt

My best friend's aunt passed away recently at the age of 91. Her mother had passed 14 years earlier at the age of 100. 

The story is that when the aunt was only 77 years old and her mother was 100 years old, she was visiting and talking to her mother and at one point her mother interrupted and said this:

"What are you complaining about? You have got your whole life ahead of you!”

That is something that most 77-year-olds don't hear from their mothers.

The Old Testament and my 93 year old grandmother.

The Old Testament tells us that we are to live to be 120 years old. It is common among Jewish people that on birthdays our birthday wish is "you should live to be 120".

My grandmother lived to be 93 years old and her mind was sharp and quick up to the very end…. except for one thing. She could not remember the punchline to this one story……

Molly Picon, a well-known actress within the Yiddish theater (she also played Yente, the Matchmaker in Fiddler On The Roof) would always greet people the same way on their birthday by saying “you should live to be 121.”

Someone asked “Molly, most people say that you should live to be 120. Why do you say 121?”

She replied saying “So you shouldn't die suddenly.”

May we all lead long and healthy lives. May we all live to be 121!

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