I was abducted by aliens.

I was abducted by aliens. My dog ate my homework. My grandmother…….. Well, you get the idea.


Many years ago I learned that you either have results or reasons why not. I have a lot of reasons why not, but the fact of the matter is that I have just not been writing. I have started to. I actually have 2 dozen blogs that I have started and not finished. I could blame it on my MS, my family, or any one of 100 other distractions that are more commonly referred to as life. It's funny how life can get in the way of doing other things. Isn't it?


Readers are generally less concerned with the blogs I have started than the ones I have finished. That is pretty much how life is too. As I said earlier you either have" results" or "reasons why not", more commonly referred to as excuses. Let's look at that for a minute.


People who do things never have excuses. Excuses are what people who don't do what they say they are going to do always seem to have. I know this is obvious, but we don't always pay attention to how it relates to ourselves." I tried losing weight but I couldn't." I tried to quit smoking but it was too hard." " I tried to exercise every day but I just don't have the discipline." if this sounds familiar, raise your hand. ( Both of my hands are in the air!)


You can tell when an excuse is coming by the language we use. "Try", "should have" and "almost" are the words used by people who don't get results. People get results say things like " I did it"


What is worse is since we all use excuses, we are always ready to excuse others. We even have phrases like" at least you tried", or " try, and try again". We even say" that's okay. I forgive you" as though that lets someone off the hook for not doing what they said they were going to do. What we do not do is hold people accountable.


Imagine that if we or someone we knew was dieting and not losing weight. What would happen if we asked" what did you do instead?" It might give us or the dieter the opportunity to tell the truth!" I decided to have the cheesecake(or ice cream, or seconds, or cookies. You fill in the blink) instead of diet".


Why haven't I been writing blogs? All I can say is that it had nothing to do with aliens, the dog, my grandmother. I am pretty sure that it had something to do with me.


From Now on I plan on being much more consistent with my writing…….. Unless, of course, something really fantastic gets in my way.


Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Marital Advice From An Expert.....Me!

I am not a psychologist or therapist and have no formal training on how to counsel others. What I do have is a very happy marriage of 30 years and that is what qualifies me to give advice…….experience.

Ask couples who have been married many years what the secret is and you will get a variety of answers. “Respect”. “Friendship”. “Never go to bed angry”. All good answers, all valid. But I believe that my answer to the question trumps all of those answers.

My advise is different and if you follow it, all those other pieces will fall into place. My advise is to be grateful.

Remember why you fell in love and all the things about your partner that you are grateful for and tell them. By telling them you remind them, and yourself, of what it is you love about them. Gratitude is the key to happiness and to staying in love. Unexpressed gratitude is useless. It must be expressed. Otherwise it is like buying someone a present and never giving it to them. Useless.

The opposite of gratitude is taking things for granted. Whenever things go awry in a relationship, one of the parties always feels taken for granted. Don’t let that happen.

Make expressing gratitude a habit. It has taken some of us a long to learn this, but I can tell you from personal experience that it works. Gail and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary, and I can honestly say that I am more in love with her today, then I was on the day we married and I am more grateful too. Rarely does a day go by without me telling her that I love her and why. And guess what? She does the same with me.

The last several years, and in particular, living with a disability, has taught me more about gratitude than I ever could have learned in a life without incident. But don’t wait for a life changing event to learn these lessons. Remind yourself, and your partner, today why you fell in love and do it all over again.

You, and your partner, will be glad you did.

Happy anniversary, Gail. I love you more today than yesterday.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Watch Your Language!

"Words are the envelopes that hold a person's experience of another person, place or thing." I learned this almost 30 years ago and knowing it has helped me learn to listen and speak differently. This is a matter of much more than semantics. The words we choose to use can and do make all the difference in the world.

As a person who lives with a disability, there are a few words that are commonly used incorrectly. If we use the right words, we have the potential to change the world's experience of people with disabilities. This applies to the observer and the person with the disability.

Disabled. This is the worst word of all. We disable an engine, which means turn it off. We disable a bomb, which means disconnect it. Last time I checked, I have neither been turned off nor disconnected. I am a fully functioning human being who lives with a disability. Not disabled. Many of us with a disability are often treated as though we have been disabled, turned off or disconnected, and this is wrong. Everyone has something that they cannot do, which means that everyone has some kind or level of disability. Mine, like tens of millions of others in this country, is just more visible than most others. Am I disabled? I am if you disconnect me or turn me off.

Handicap. The World Health Organization defines (in not so few words) a handicap as a person's judgment about a disability. This applies to the person with the disability and the observer. Is a disability a handicap? Only if we let it be. My father gave me a great compliment one day when he said "Michael, you are not handicapped. You may have a disability, but you are the least handicapped person that I know." I hope that can always be said about me.

There are other definitions of handicap. It can be an "added advantage " too. Shorter lines at airports and amusement parks, better parking spaces, discounts for travel, restaurants and more. It is also an advantage given to another in horseracing and golf -activities that many with disabilities don't do.

Person with a disability. This is always the right term to use. It is the term which allows the person with the disability to remain whole in everyone’s eyes. It is the term that contains the most respect and dignity for the individual. It also accurately reflects the condition of the individual.

Accessible. This is another correct term which is now used more and more instead of handicap. We now ask for accessible bathrooms, accessible parking, accessible hotel rooms. It suggests that the facility has been made accessible for someone with a disability, particularly those using a wheelchair. It is a correct term. After all, would you really want to stay in a hotel room that was handicapped?

Because I live with a disability, these words are important to me. I am certain that there was a time when I also used those other terms without much consideration. Now, as a member of the 51,000,000 member community of people in this country who live with a disability, I have changed my language and my perspective.

When we listen to the words someone uses, we can learn much more than the story they are telling. We can learn about their experience and perspective. Are they positive or negative? Accepting or judgmental? Responsible or victims?

When we change our own words, we can change how we see the world. More importantly, we can change how the world sees us.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.