“Staying married is its own reward”

That phrase, “staying married is its own reward” was told to me almost 26 years ago.   I think that until someone has been married for 15 or 20 years, they cannot fully understand how meaningful and true that statement is. It is for me and I should know. Today is my 32nd wedding anniversary.

 There is an intimacy that comes with the knowledge and comfort of another person that comes with time. You know how they think, feel and breathe. You can hand them things before they ask, or know what is needed before they do. You can finish sentences for each other, help remember names, watch their diets, remind them to make calls, and let it be okay if they fall asleep watching TV. You might have disagreements, but then you go on.  They may be less than perfect (not me, but other people) and that is okay, it is part of who they are. That is how it is for us.

 There is a tremendous feeling that comes with just knowing that they are there.  They could be in the next room or laying next to you in bed, but the certainty that they are there is more than comforting. It is an assurance that all is right in the world. That is how it is for us.

Ask couples who have been married for quite a while what it takes to succeed and you will get a lot of different answers. “Don't go to bed angry.” “Always show respect to one another.” “Laugh at his jokes even if you have heard them 100 times.” I have an answer that I believe trumps all of that and I can tell it to you in a single word: gratitude….at least that is how it is for us.

Gratitude is the key to happiness in all areas of life and relationships are no different.  Gratitude must be felt and expressed, it must be shared or it is of no use. It must be genuine and never forgotten. At least that is how it is for us.

On the day we were married we were so grateful to have found one another. What we did not know then is that the expression of gratitude must be done regularly or it will be forgotten. Once forgotten, a partner can be taken for granted and when that happens there can be troubles in the relationship.

Today our relationship is better and stronger than ever. Why is that? Because we have learned about gratitude, feel grateful and constantly express our gratitude to one another.

Today I am very grateful. Grateful to have found someone to share my life with. Grateful to have found someone to build a life with. Grateful to have a partner that is loving, kind, affectionate and so much more.

Happy anniversary, Gail. I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.

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Bells Will Be Ringing

Pride, joy, excitement and anticipation are a few of the feelings we have had since we learned of our son's engagement to his girlfriend Abby. It always seems as though everything in life happens at just the right time and this marriage will be no exception to that rule.

We are very proud of Adam's decision to marry Abby. She is everything we could want in a daughter-in-law. Sweet, loving, kind and she makes him very happy.  


Together they make a beautiful couple and seem very good to and for each other. What else could we ask for?

For as long as we can remember Adams's goal in life has been to get married and have a family. He wants to be a husband and a father and I think those are noble aspirations. I am also certain that he will be great at both. (Abby will see to that!)

Abby has every characteristic and trait that our son could want in a partner. She is smart, beautiful, playful and affectionate.   A life and a family are also on her list of dreams and desires and we have every bit of confidence that she can and will have both.

What I like most about both of them is their grateful spirit. They are both filled with a deep sense of gratitude and that will bring them much happiness for many years to come

Abby is a small town girl from the Midwest. Adam is a big city boy from LA. They met on the East Coast. It must have been their destiny. B’shert!

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Marital Advice From An Expert.....Me!

I am not a psychologist or therapist and have no formal training on how to counsel others. What I do have is a very happy marriage of 30 years and that is what qualifies me to give advice…….experience.

Ask couples who have been married many years what the secret is and you will get a variety of answers. “Respect”. “Friendship”. “Never go to bed angry”. All good answers, all valid. But I believe that my answer to the question trumps all of those answers.

My advise is different and if you follow it, all those other pieces will fall into place. My advise is to be grateful.

Remember why you fell in love and all the things about your partner that you are grateful for and tell them. By telling them you remind them, and yourself, of what it is you love about them. Gratitude is the key to happiness and to staying in love. Unexpressed gratitude is useless. It must be expressed. Otherwise it is like buying someone a present and never giving it to them. Useless.

The opposite of gratitude is taking things for granted. Whenever things go awry in a relationship, one of the parties always feels taken for granted. Don’t let that happen.

Make expressing gratitude a habit. It has taken some of us a long to learn this, but I can tell you from personal experience that it works. Gail and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary, and I can honestly say that I am more in love with her today, then I was on the day we married and I am more grateful too. Rarely does a day go by without me telling her that I love her and why. And guess what? She does the same with me.

The last several years, and in particular, living with a disability, has taught me more about gratitude than I ever could have learned in a life without incident. But don’t wait for a life changing event to learn these lessons. Remind yourself, and your partner, today why you fell in love and do it all over again.

You, and your partner, will be glad you did.

Happy anniversary, Gail. I love you more today than yesterday.

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Ball and Chain

August 15th is a very special day for me and my family because Christina is getting married on that day. Who is Christina? She is an extraordinary and beautiful young woman who has taught me more about attitude, gratitude and perspective than anyone I know.

We met Christina when she was eleven years old. She and our daughter Jenica went to middle school together and quickly became best friends. Always a welcome guest in our house, we included her in our family activities whenever possible. She was, and still is one of my 'favorites'.

Christina's mother died when she was only five years old. Less than two years later, her younger sister died. Then, before turning fifteen, her father died. They all died of AIDS. In other words, Christina had no one to call family.

We knew Steven, her father, well and everyone, including Christina, knew how much he loved her. Before passing he made arrangements for her to have a guardian, Ronna, who watched over and guided her as she continued to grow and blossom and that she did.

From a young age she had to make choices of and on her own. What choices did she make? Life affirming choices. She chose to wake up and be happy every day of her life. She chose to be grateful and express gratitude for every little thing. She chose to make a difference in this world and she does.

How easy and understandable it would have been for Christina to have made different choices. But she didn't. Not having two parents for most of her life and having only one parent to see her reach her teens, could easily have been her handicap in life. But it isn't. Instead, it has been a positive, driving force for her.

After her father's death, she chose to join the "Fight Against AIDS." At seventeen, as soon as she was old enough, she joined and completed the AIDS Bike Ride, a seven day, 500 mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Her father, like several others, had joined the ride, but was too sick to make it to the finish line. Later she finished it for him. The ride triggered the making of a documentary, "No Distance Too Far" featuring our very own Christina.

After doing the AIDS Ride, Christina began speaking at middle and high schools and colleges, too. She talked about her own life and AIDS prevention. Later she volunteered and spent several months providing AIDS education to workers in small towns throughout Ghana. Christina continues her fight against AIDS today and works as a Marketing & Prevention Associate for the Colorado AIDS Project.

Today, on her wedding day, Christina, her husband to be and several friends are doing the AIDS Walk in Denver. Their team is called “Ball and Chain.” (http://aidswalkcolorado.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=305922&lis=1&kntae305922=28ECA339159C4DFB875732F71EABD6E0&supId=0&team=3419358&cj=Y )

Christina makes a difference in the world. I know because of the difference she has made in my life. She is marrying Sean today, a great young man. What I like most about him is that he "gets" all of what is so special about her. He is a lucky man. She is lucky to have someone who values her so.

Christina and Sean,

May you blessed throughout your years together. May you both continue to make a difference in the world and to each other. May your hearts always remain as filled with the love and gratitude you feel for one another as they are today.

Love you both,

Michael

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