I originally wrote and publshed this piece more than six months ago. Since then, much has changed in our world and economy. In re-reading this, it seemed much more relevant today than it did then. I hope you agree.
What prompted me to write this was not my disability. It was prompted by the current financial crisis that our nation, and our world is experiencing.
Sometimes we have to make adjustments that we never dreamed of making. Certainly, with my disability, that is what I have had to do. I am not alone. There are more than 50,000,000 people in this country who live with some kind of disability, many less severe and many more severe than my own. Every one of us has survived.
Many of my closest friends are struggling to make ends meet. Their world’s are changing and they are wondering what the future holds for them. Some of them have lost their homes and businesses. Some have moved to new cities. Many are wondering how will they pay their rent? Buy food? What will they do for a living? Very real, very difficult questions, all of which can be answered.
The simple and seemingly trite answer is that when the world changes, we need to change too. Because of my disability, I already know this to be true.
When I gave up driving more than three years ago, I wondered if I would sense a loss of independence. When I had to give up working more than a year ago, I worried about how we would make ends meet. As my disease progresses, I wonder what the future will be like.
What I have learned and know is that with whatever challenge comes my way, it will be dealt with. I will make the necessary changes and adjustments in order to get by. I will survive this ‘change’, because survival is what we do. It is a most basic human instinct.
The difficulty for those caught up in our financial crisis may be that they have not yet learned what I have from living with a disability. That is, to trust that they will make whatever changes are required in order to survive. Is it difficult? Yes. Is it painful? Yes. But it can be done and will be done.
Many of us remember the stories that our parents and grandparents told us about their growing up. My mother did not have a bedroom and slept on the floor of the dining room until she was teenager. My father-in-law is a Holocaust survivor and I won’t begin to tell you about what he endured against extraordinary odds. Many of us know stories about the Great Depression, with its breadlines and soup kitchens. God willing, we will never have to endure what others have. And yet, for a great number of people in this country, things may get worse before they get better.
Why am I saying all of this? I am saying it because we are survivors. It is a basic instinct that we all have. We will each do whatever we need to in order to survive. Will we need to get new jobs? Will we need to move? Will we become or take in roommates? Will we ask for help? We can and will if we need to.
It may not be pretty, or nice, or comfortable or easy to do. But all of us will do what we need to in order to survive. It is my hope that knowing that and trusting that is true helps us get through some of our most challenging times.
No one planned for this economic crisis. No one plans to live with a disability. But we do, because we are survivors.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Watch Your Language!
"Words are the envelopes that hold a person's experience of another person, place or thing." I learned this almost 30 years ago and knowing it has helped me learn to listen and speak differently. This is a matter of much more than semantics. The words we choose to use can and do make all the difference in the world.
As a person who lives with a disability, there are a few words that are commonly used incorrectly. If we use the right words, we have the potential to change the world's experience of people with disabilities. This applies to the observer and the person with the disability.
Disabled. This is the worst word of all. We disable an engine, which means turn it off. We disable a bomb, which means disconnect it. Last time I checked, I have neither been turned off nor disconnected. I am a fully functioning human being who lives with a disability. Not disabled. Many of us with a disability are often treated as though we have been disabled, turned off or disconnected, and this is wrong. Everyone has something that they cannot do, which means that everyone has some kind or level of disability. Mine, like tens of millions of others in this country, is just more visible than most others. Am I disabled? I am if you disconnect me or turn me off.
Handicap. The World Health Organization defines (in not so few words) a handicap as a person's judgment about a disability. This applies to the person with the disability and the observer. Is a disability a handicap? Only if we let it be. My father gave me a great compliment one day when he said "Michael, you are not handicapped. You may have a disability, but you are the least handicapped person that I know." I hope that can always be said about me.
There are other definitions of handicap. It can be an "added advantage " too. Shorter lines at airports and amusement parks, better parking spaces, discounts for travel, restaurants and more. It is also an advantage given to another in horseracing and golf -activities that many with disabilities don't do.
Person with a disability. This is always the right term to use. It is the term which allows the person with the disability to remain whole in everyone’s eyes. It is the term that contains the most respect and dignity for the individual. It also accurately reflects the condition of the individual.
Accessible. This is another correct term which is now used more and more instead of handicap. We now ask for accessible bathrooms, accessible parking, accessible hotel rooms. It suggests that the facility has been made accessible for someone with a disability, particularly those using a wheelchair. It is a correct term. After all, would you really want to stay in a hotel room that was handicapped?
Because I live with a disability, these words are important to me. I am certain that there was a time when I also used those other terms without much consideration. Now, as a member of the 51,000,000 member community of people in this country who live with a disability, I have changed my language and my perspective.
When we listen to the words someone uses, we can learn much more than the story they are telling. We can learn about their experience and perspective. Are they positive or negative? Accepting or judgmental? Responsible or victims?
When we change our own words, we can change how we see the world. More importantly, we can change how the world sees us.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
As a person who lives with a disability, there are a few words that are commonly used incorrectly. If we use the right words, we have the potential to change the world's experience of people with disabilities. This applies to the observer and the person with the disability.
Disabled. This is the worst word of all. We disable an engine, which means turn it off. We disable a bomb, which means disconnect it. Last time I checked, I have neither been turned off nor disconnected. I am a fully functioning human being who lives with a disability. Not disabled. Many of us with a disability are often treated as though we have been disabled, turned off or disconnected, and this is wrong. Everyone has something that they cannot do, which means that everyone has some kind or level of disability. Mine, like tens of millions of others in this country, is just more visible than most others. Am I disabled? I am if you disconnect me or turn me off.
Handicap. The World Health Organization defines (in not so few words) a handicap as a person's judgment about a disability. This applies to the person with the disability and the observer. Is a disability a handicap? Only if we let it be. My father gave me a great compliment one day when he said "Michael, you are not handicapped. You may have a disability, but you are the least handicapped person that I know." I hope that can always be said about me.
There are other definitions of handicap. It can be an "added advantage " too. Shorter lines at airports and amusement parks, better parking spaces, discounts for travel, restaurants and more. It is also an advantage given to another in horseracing and golf -activities that many with disabilities don't do.
Person with a disability. This is always the right term to use. It is the term which allows the person with the disability to remain whole in everyone’s eyes. It is the term that contains the most respect and dignity for the individual. It also accurately reflects the condition of the individual.
Accessible. This is another correct term which is now used more and more instead of handicap. We now ask for accessible bathrooms, accessible parking, accessible hotel rooms. It suggests that the facility has been made accessible for someone with a disability, particularly those using a wheelchair. It is a correct term. After all, would you really want to stay in a hotel room that was handicapped?
Because I live with a disability, these words are important to me. I am certain that there was a time when I also used those other terms without much consideration. Now, as a member of the 51,000,000 member community of people in this country who live with a disability, I have changed my language and my perspective.
When we listen to the words someone uses, we can learn much more than the story they are telling. We can learn about their experience and perspective. Are they positive or negative? Accepting or judgmental? Responsible or victims?
When we change our own words, we can change how we see the world. More importantly, we can change how the world sees us.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
A Great Pitcher or a Bad Hitter?
Michael Josephson is the founder of the Josephson Institute for Ethics and Character Counts. He is also one of my favorite commentators and his weekly newsletter is available for free. I strongly encourage everyone to subscribe.
Below is an excerpt from this week’s newsletter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
“When Ron gave his 7-year-old son Nick his first ball and bat, Nick wanted to play immediately. Ron said, “Son, baseball’s a serious game. You have to practice before you can play well.”
The boy went outside and began throwing the ball high in the air and swinging at it over and over. After an hour, he came in and said, “Dad, can we play now?”
Ron followed him outside and said, “Okay, show me what you can do.”
Nick tossed the ball above him, took a mighty swing, and missed. “Strike one,” he said enthusiastically.
He did it again and missed again. “Strike two!”
Ron said, “Concentrate, Son. Remember, three strikes and you’re out.”
The boy tossed the ball a third time and swung so hard he fell to the ground after hitting nothing but air. Ron winced, but Nick had a triumphant grin.
“Why are you happy?” Ron asked.
“‘Cause I’m great at pitching!”
You have to love Nick’s attitude. He may not turn out to be a good hitter, but he’s likely to lead a happy life. What’s more, he’ll probably bring warmth and cheer into the lives of others because an attitude like his is contagious.
Pessimists might think people like Nick delude themselves by looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. Yet Nick’s world is just as he sees it. His decision to view himself as a successful pitcher instead of a bad hitter will not only make him happier, it may even contribute to his success.
It’s not easy, but if we develop the wisdom to treat frustrations and failures as empowering experiences and generate the strength to let go of self-destructive resentments and grudges, our lives will be filled with a lot more sunshine.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.”
http://charactercounts.org/michael/2009/04/a_great_pitcher_or_a_bad_hitte_1.html
Participate. Make a difdference. Live a life that matters.
Below is an excerpt from this week’s newsletter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
“When Ron gave his 7-year-old son Nick his first ball and bat, Nick wanted to play immediately. Ron said, “Son, baseball’s a serious game. You have to practice before you can play well.”
The boy went outside and began throwing the ball high in the air and swinging at it over and over. After an hour, he came in and said, “Dad, can we play now?”
Ron followed him outside and said, “Okay, show me what you can do.”
Nick tossed the ball above him, took a mighty swing, and missed. “Strike one,” he said enthusiastically.
He did it again and missed again. “Strike two!”
Ron said, “Concentrate, Son. Remember, three strikes and you’re out.”
The boy tossed the ball a third time and swung so hard he fell to the ground after hitting nothing but air. Ron winced, but Nick had a triumphant grin.
“Why are you happy?” Ron asked.
“‘Cause I’m great at pitching!”
You have to love Nick’s attitude. He may not turn out to be a good hitter, but he’s likely to lead a happy life. What’s more, he’ll probably bring warmth and cheer into the lives of others because an attitude like his is contagious.
Pessimists might think people like Nick delude themselves by looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. Yet Nick’s world is just as he sees it. His decision to view himself as a successful pitcher instead of a bad hitter will not only make him happier, it may even contribute to his success.
It’s not easy, but if we develop the wisdom to treat frustrations and failures as empowering experiences and generate the strength to let go of self-destructive resentments and grudges, our lives will be filled with a lot more sunshine.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.”
http://charactercounts.org/michael/2009/04/a_great_pitcher_or_a_bad_hitte_1.html
Participate. Make a difdference. Live a life that matters.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
It is an honor.
It is an honor for me to be included and recognized by so many people in so many ways.
My blog is now published on four websites and is viewed an average of more than 100 times per day. In just eight months my blogs have been viewed more than 22,000 times. I am truly honored that so many people have included me in their lives.
Our activities with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society continue to grow and expand. This Sunday is Walk MS 2009 and nearly 6,000 people will participate in the event. We expect to have at least 80 people walking with us and on our team. That will be our largest single group of walkers to date.
It is not too late to join and support us. Click here: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CALWalkEvents?px=4440260&pg=personal&fr_id=10168
As a result of our efforts, we have twice been included in the Society’s “Tour of Champions.” For us, being included in this group of top fundraisers from around the country is a great privilege. The participants are all extraordinary, motivated and caring. They are also all making a difference in the world.
Beginning next month, I will begin leading a Community Support Group for our local chapter of the Society. This monthly meeting is a forum for those of us affected by the disease to discuss and exchange information and ideas on living better with MS. For me, it is the next step in how I can better serve others living with and challenged by this disease.
FINALLY, (I saved the best part for last) I am on TV!
Our local NBC affiliate, KNBC, just aired a segment on "Living with MS" and our upcoming Walk and the segment features ME! If you missed it on TV, you can view some of the footage by going to http://www.nbclosangeles.com/health/topics/Living-with-MS.html There are four short segments to watch and they have really given me an opportunity to share some of my thoughts. If you already know me, there are no surprises. If you don’t me, than this is an opportunity for us to get acquainted.
I cannot begin to tell you how it feels to be asked, included and representing our MS community. The acknowledgement and recognition I get as a result of my participation is extraordinary. It is an honor.
My thanks to all of you for your continued encouragement and support.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
My blog is now published on four websites and is viewed an average of more than 100 times per day. In just eight months my blogs have been viewed more than 22,000 times. I am truly honored that so many people have included me in their lives.
Our activities with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society continue to grow and expand. This Sunday is Walk MS 2009 and nearly 6,000 people will participate in the event. We expect to have at least 80 people walking with us and on our team. That will be our largest single group of walkers to date.
It is not too late to join and support us. Click here: http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CALWalkEvents?px=4440260&pg=personal&fr_id=10168
As a result of our efforts, we have twice been included in the Society’s “Tour of Champions.” For us, being included in this group of top fundraisers from around the country is a great privilege. The participants are all extraordinary, motivated and caring. They are also all making a difference in the world.
Beginning next month, I will begin leading a Community Support Group for our local chapter of the Society. This monthly meeting is a forum for those of us affected by the disease to discuss and exchange information and ideas on living better with MS. For me, it is the next step in how I can better serve others living with and challenged by this disease.
FINALLY, (I saved the best part for last) I am on TV!
Our local NBC affiliate, KNBC, just aired a segment on "Living with MS" and our upcoming Walk and the segment features ME! If you missed it on TV, you can view some of the footage by going to http://www.nbclosangeles.com/health/topics/Living-with-MS.html There are four short segments to watch and they have really given me an opportunity to share some of my thoughts. If you already know me, there are no surprises. If you don’t me, than this is an opportunity for us to get acquainted.
I cannot begin to tell you how it feels to be asked, included and representing our MS community. The acknowledgement and recognition I get as a result of my participation is extraordinary. It is an honor.
My thanks to all of you for your continued encouragement and support.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I have learned to ask for help.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
We are going to be on TV this week. KNBC, our local NBC affiliate will be airing a segment this week on the MS Walk and living with the disease and we were interviewed. If you are in Southern California, please tune in and watch the news at 5:00PM. We don’t know what day it will air, so tune in daily. Thanks.
Part One – The Lesson
Asking for help may be one of the hardest things that we ever learn to do. We like to be able to do things on our own. We like it when we can help ourselves. We like not having to depend on others.
Living with a disability has forced me to learn to ask for help. I can no longer do all the things that I used to do, but I do as much as I can. Sometimes I stubbornly refuse to allow people to help me because I want to do it myself. I want to do as much as I can, as well as I can for as long as I can. Truthfully, there are times when I ask for help and don’t absolutely need it. As a practical matter, it is just easier, faster and better if someone helps me.
Having to ask for help has taught me a few things.
Everyone needs help sometimes. I just need more than others
Being nice is passive. Kindness never is.
The world s filled with kind people
People want to help someone who needs it.
Family and friends are happy to help….and so are strangers, too.
Having been the beneficiary of so many acts of kindness has boosted my faith in people. Knowing that there are so many kind and willing people ready to help has made it easier to ask for.
Part Two – We need help.
MS doesn’t slow down just because the economy does. As most of you know, our team, the JiggyWiggits, has been among the top fundraisers in the country for two years in a row. This year both our team and Gail and I as individuals will be lucky if we raise half as much as we did last year. We have asked more people, more times for more money than ever before and it is just not coming in. That is certainly a sign of the times………..and we are not alone. To date, the Southern California Chapter has not yet raised half of last year’s total.
So I am asking for your help. I am asking everyone for $10, $20 or whatever you can afford. If you can’t afford it, we understand. But if you can, I am asking for your help. The only way that we can cure this disease is by funding the necessary research and we cannot do it alone. But we can do it together. If everybody does a little, a lot will get done. We can cure this disease. We can change the world.
Make a difference. Click on the link below and help cure this disease. Thank you.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=10168&team_id=140969
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
We are going to be on TV this week. KNBC, our local NBC affiliate will be airing a segment this week on the MS Walk and living with the disease and we were interviewed. If you are in Southern California, please tune in and watch the news at 5:00PM. We don’t know what day it will air, so tune in daily. Thanks.
Part One – The Lesson
Asking for help may be one of the hardest things that we ever learn to do. We like to be able to do things on our own. We like it when we can help ourselves. We like not having to depend on others.
Living with a disability has forced me to learn to ask for help. I can no longer do all the things that I used to do, but I do as much as I can. Sometimes I stubbornly refuse to allow people to help me because I want to do it myself. I want to do as much as I can, as well as I can for as long as I can. Truthfully, there are times when I ask for help and don’t absolutely need it. As a practical matter, it is just easier, faster and better if someone helps me.
Having to ask for help has taught me a few things.
Everyone needs help sometimes. I just need more than others
Being nice is passive. Kindness never is.
The world s filled with kind people
People want to help someone who needs it.
Family and friends are happy to help….and so are strangers, too.
Having been the beneficiary of so many acts of kindness has boosted my faith in people. Knowing that there are so many kind and willing people ready to help has made it easier to ask for.
Part Two – We need help.
MS doesn’t slow down just because the economy does. As most of you know, our team, the JiggyWiggits, has been among the top fundraisers in the country for two years in a row. This year both our team and Gail and I as individuals will be lucky if we raise half as much as we did last year. We have asked more people, more times for more money than ever before and it is just not coming in. That is certainly a sign of the times………..and we are not alone. To date, the Southern California Chapter has not yet raised half of last year’s total.
So I am asking for your help. I am asking everyone for $10, $20 or whatever you can afford. If you can’t afford it, we understand. But if you can, I am asking for your help. The only way that we can cure this disease is by funding the necessary research and we cannot do it alone. But we can do it together. If everybody does a little, a lot will get done. We can cure this disease. We can change the world.
Make a difference. Click on the link below and help cure this disease. Thank you.
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=10168&team_id=140969
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Try not to try.
Try and eliminate the word “try” from your vocabulary. It is not easy. As a society and culture we have learned to rely on this word for comfort, justification, explanation and excuse. It is the one word most commonly used and accepted that keeps us from telling the truth.
That is a heck of a statement isn’t it? Let me give you a definition of “try” and you decide if it is true or not.
“Trying is the experience we have when we don’t do what we say we are going to do.”
Think about it. When do we use the word “try”?
“I tried, but I could not do it.”
“Well, at least they tried.”
“He tried and failed.”
Now look at when we don’t use the word “try”.
“I did it.”
“He did it.”
“He did it and succeeded.”
We diet or we try dieting. We exercise or we try and exercise. We get things done or we try and get things done. We are either going to “try” or we are going to “do it”.
The most interesting aspect of this word is how readily we as a society accept it as an explanation, but what if we didn’t? What would happen if the next time someone said to you “I tried”, you responded by asking “What did you do instead?”
When the question is asked as a genuine inquiry and not accusatorily, we give people the opportunity to tell us, and perhaps themselves, the truth about what happened.
“The diet didn’t work because it required discipline that I just don’t have.”
“I just did not make the time to exercise every day.”
“I just didn’t do what I was supposed to do.”
When people tell the truth about what really happened (or didn’t) they can begin to take responsibility for themselves, their actions or lack thereof.
But why? Why are we so ready and willing to accept “I tried” as an answer? Is it because it is easy? Polite? Or is it because we want people to accept our “I tried” too?
I am not perfect at doing this. I still use the word from time to time and occasionally accept it from others without question. Losing the word “try” is hard to do. But now that I know what it means, I sure hear it differently.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
That is a heck of a statement isn’t it? Let me give you a definition of “try” and you decide if it is true or not.
“Trying is the experience we have when we don’t do what we say we are going to do.”
Think about it. When do we use the word “try”?
“I tried, but I could not do it.”
“Well, at least they tried.”
“He tried and failed.”
Now look at when we don’t use the word “try”.
“I did it.”
“He did it.”
“He did it and succeeded.”
We diet or we try dieting. We exercise or we try and exercise. We get things done or we try and get things done. We are either going to “try” or we are going to “do it”.
The most interesting aspect of this word is how readily we as a society accept it as an explanation, but what if we didn’t? What would happen if the next time someone said to you “I tried”, you responded by asking “What did you do instead?”
When the question is asked as a genuine inquiry and not accusatorily, we give people the opportunity to tell us, and perhaps themselves, the truth about what happened.
“The diet didn’t work because it required discipline that I just don’t have.”
“I just did not make the time to exercise every day.”
“I just didn’t do what I was supposed to do.”
When people tell the truth about what really happened (or didn’t) they can begin to take responsibility for themselves, their actions or lack thereof.
But why? Why are we so ready and willing to accept “I tried” as an answer? Is it because it is easy? Polite? Or is it because we want people to accept our “I tried” too?
I am not perfect at doing this. I still use the word from time to time and occasionally accept it from others without question. Losing the word “try” is hard to do. But now that I know what it means, I sure hear it differently.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I OWE IT ALL TO TWO HOOKERS!
Right turn – Left turn stories. We all have them. One day we make a right turn instead of a left turn and the whole course of our life is forever changed. That is what life is all about – discovering what is next for us and sitting just around the corner.
It may not be a right turn or a left turn. It may be that you or someone else showed up somewhere unexpectedly and meeting that person changed the course of your life. It may be the appointment that cancelled and the phone call you received because you did not go. It may be the opportunity you got because you just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I call these “right turn – left turn stories.”
My favorite right turn/left turn story has to do with meeting the two hookers who lead me to my wife. This is not a joke. I had just started selling real estate and decided to work late one night to do some “cold calling”, dialing for business. When I asked the woman who answered the phone if she would be interested in selling her home, she said yes. I ran right over to list the property for sale and met the two, very attractive ‘professional’ women who owned the house.
Within a few weeks we had an offer to buy the house. When the real estate agent came to present the offer, she brought her broker with her. She sold the house and her broker and I stayed in touch. Within a few weeks, I joined his company. Eight months later I was engaged to his daughter……and I owe it all to the two hookers!
If I had not worked late, I never would have met the two hookers. If I never met the hookers, I would not have gotten the listing. Had I not gotten the listing, I never would have gotten the offer, gone to work for the broker, met his daughter, gotten married and had the life I have had….and I owe it all to the two hookers.
The fact is that having these ‘right turn – left turn stories’ to tell is a result of showing up and being a participant in all that life has to offer. If you don’t show up or participate, you will never make that ‘right turn instead of a left’ and you may never know all of the opportunities that life has in store for you.
Want more opportunities? Participate more.
Want to know what life has in store for you? Participate more.
Want more out of life? Do more. Participate more.
Planning for life is a great thing. However, we cannot always plan for every event or circumstance that life presents. We can make many choices. We can influence outcomes based on our participation. But we cannot control everything that happens around and to us. What we can control and plan for is how we will respond to what happens during the course of our lives.
A favorite old joke I know goes like this:
“Do you know how to make G-d laugh? Tell him your plans.”
My life certainly did not turn out as planned…..and I owe it all to two hookers!
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
It may not be a right turn or a left turn. It may be that you or someone else showed up somewhere unexpectedly and meeting that person changed the course of your life. It may be the appointment that cancelled and the phone call you received because you did not go. It may be the opportunity you got because you just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I call these “right turn – left turn stories.”
My favorite right turn/left turn story has to do with meeting the two hookers who lead me to my wife. This is not a joke. I had just started selling real estate and decided to work late one night to do some “cold calling”, dialing for business. When I asked the woman who answered the phone if she would be interested in selling her home, she said yes. I ran right over to list the property for sale and met the two, very attractive ‘professional’ women who owned the house.
Within a few weeks we had an offer to buy the house. When the real estate agent came to present the offer, she brought her broker with her. She sold the house and her broker and I stayed in touch. Within a few weeks, I joined his company. Eight months later I was engaged to his daughter……and I owe it all to the two hookers!
If I had not worked late, I never would have met the two hookers. If I never met the hookers, I would not have gotten the listing. Had I not gotten the listing, I never would have gotten the offer, gone to work for the broker, met his daughter, gotten married and had the life I have had….and I owe it all to the two hookers.
The fact is that having these ‘right turn – left turn stories’ to tell is a result of showing up and being a participant in all that life has to offer. If you don’t show up or participate, you will never make that ‘right turn instead of a left’ and you may never know all of the opportunities that life has in store for you.
Want more opportunities? Participate more.
Want to know what life has in store for you? Participate more.
Want more out of life? Do more. Participate more.
Planning for life is a great thing. However, we cannot always plan for every event or circumstance that life presents. We can make many choices. We can influence outcomes based on our participation. But we cannot control everything that happens around and to us. What we can control and plan for is how we will respond to what happens during the course of our lives.
A favorite old joke I know goes like this:
“Do you know how to make G-d laugh? Tell him your plans.”
My life certainly did not turn out as planned…..and I owe it all to two hookers!
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Best News Of All
Recently the NBC Nightly news announced that they would be doing a special segment called “Making A Difference” The host, Brian Williams, asked people to “send us stories of people who are undertaking either random or regular acts of kindness in this economic downturn because the stories of how Americans are responding to this economy are a big part of the story and helping each other.”
He continued saying “While it may not seem like it every evening, we are always looking for good news around here, especially in this economy. Specifically, here is our request for you: Nominate people who are doing good things where you live or work, perhaps a random or regular act of kindness in this cruel economy.” Within minutes they had heard from hundreds of people, then within hours they heard from thousands.
Stories like the one of the person at the toll bridge who paid the toll for the driver behind them and started a whole chain of drivers paying for one another. Or the person at the check out stand at the grocery store who was handed an envelope before paying with a note that read “Enclosed please find $50.00. If you need it to help pay for your groceries, then please keep it. If not, please pass it on to the next person in line.” The people in line continued to add cash to the envelope until those who needed it were helped.
There was the story of the owner of a manufacturing company whose business is down by more than 50% who, instead of laying off employees, is sending them into the community to do good deeds like fix up a playground or paint the town church.
People do amazing, incredible and kind things every day that make this a better world. During these difficult economic times, those who contribute financially to others are noteworthy. During any time, those who commit time to another person in need or commit an act of kindness to a friend or complete stranger are truly making a difference in the world.
The fact is that when everybody does a little bit, eventually a lot gets done. What we all need to remember is that it does not take a lot of money to make a difference in this world. We just have to remember to do it.
I hope that I will always remember that. I hope that you do too.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
He continued saying “While it may not seem like it every evening, we are always looking for good news around here, especially in this economy. Specifically, here is our request for you: Nominate people who are doing good things where you live or work, perhaps a random or regular act of kindness in this cruel economy.” Within minutes they had heard from hundreds of people, then within hours they heard from thousands.
Stories like the one of the person at the toll bridge who paid the toll for the driver behind them and started a whole chain of drivers paying for one another. Or the person at the check out stand at the grocery store who was handed an envelope before paying with a note that read “Enclosed please find $50.00. If you need it to help pay for your groceries, then please keep it. If not, please pass it on to the next person in line.” The people in line continued to add cash to the envelope until those who needed it were helped.
There was the story of the owner of a manufacturing company whose business is down by more than 50% who, instead of laying off employees, is sending them into the community to do good deeds like fix up a playground or paint the town church.
People do amazing, incredible and kind things every day that make this a better world. During these difficult economic times, those who contribute financially to others are noteworthy. During any time, those who commit time to another person in need or commit an act of kindness to a friend or complete stranger are truly making a difference in the world.
The fact is that when everybody does a little bit, eventually a lot gets done. What we all need to remember is that it does not take a lot of money to make a difference in this world. We just have to remember to do it.
I hope that I will always remember that. I hope that you do too.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
My Story. My Symptoms My Sorrows. My Successes. My MS.
Imagine waking up one day and realizing that your life, every aspect of it, is forever changed. That is what happened to me the moment the doctor said “You have MS.” Actually, by the time he told us (Us being my incredible partner and wife, Gail and me) on that Monday morning, we had already concluded that would be the diagnosis. We had the whole weekend to think about it, worry about it and be afraid.
At the moment that we knew what it was, we cried. We held each other and cried. We were afraid because this was a disease we knew nothing about. We only knew enough to know that our future was uncertain. But then again, whose isn’t?
That was on a Saturday. After we cried, after the shock or pain or reality began to sink in, we made the decision that whatever it was, we would learn about it, learn from it and be an example to our children, family and friends. I believe that is exactly what we have done.
When the diagnosis arrived that Monday morning, it was really more of a confirmation of what we already knew. I have MS. Okay. Now what?
Aside from starting to take medicine, at that time a daily injection, life was pretty much the same. I had my routine - work, eat, sleep, occasional exercise - but over time I started having some balance issues and my legs were getting a little wobbly. I started using a cane and everyone felt better after I did. Not too much later, I got a pretty severe staph infection and checked into the hospital for sixteen days. After I came out of the hospital, I started using a walker. That episode has been the most impactful one physically since my diagnosis.
Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. If you are not bored yet by these details, know that I am.
My symptoms include the following:
Weak legs
Bladder issues
Constipation
Erectile issues
Heat sensitivity (If I get hot or a fever, I can’t move)
My hands get tired quickly from typing, eating, etc.
I use a wheelchair whenever there is more than very little walking to be done.
I have osteoporosis (I take Boniva just like Sally Fields does)
I have severe sleep apnea. (We are now treating that)
I can only sit up at a desk for an hour or two before needing to lie down or use a recliner.
I can only stand for seconds at a time and need a walker to hold on to for that.
I get something called Lehrmittes Syndrome. Sometimes it really hurts. I can only guess that it feels like being tasered. It causes me to use expletives! It is not everyday and it doesn’t last for long….so I can live with it.
There are many other common symptoms that I do not have and for that I am grateful.
What else can I tell you?
I need help and I have learned to ask for it.
I need help throughout the day.
I need help getting my clothes out (I still dress myself).
I need help getting food and drink. I cannot get it on my own.
I fall down. Sometimes twice a week and sometimes twice a day.
My fine motor skills are limited. It takes me an eternity to button a shirt.
That is my disease. What it is not is who I am.
I am a happy man. I wake up feeling happy every day of my life.
I lead an amazing and very active life, filled with family and friends.
My marriage of almost 29 years is better than ever and I love my wife more today than I did on our wedding day. We go places and do the things that others only dream of.
Together we participate in anything and everything we can. We are active with our chapter of the MS Society. We have one of the biggest teams at the Greater LA Walk MS. We are active with other charities and truly feel that we make a difference in the world. Our lives are full, rich and so very worth living.
Together, we are absolutely who we want to be in the world around us.
Do I have challenges? Yes. Some days are clearly more difficult than others. Are we having a hard time making ends meet? You betcha! But all of that has nothing to do with who we are. Our circumstances do not determine our happiness.
Sometimes people say that they feel sorry for me because of all that I miss out on. I don’t feel that way at all. In fact, I wish that everybody could be me for just a day to experience the happiness and joy that I experience.
There is one that thing I write about and talk about often and that is gratitude. My MS has taught me more about gratitude than I ever could have learned from a life without incident. It is that knowledge and experience of gratitude that enables me to feel the way I do and wake up happy everyday of my life.
I suppose that I do have a disability. But that disability has caused me to have some super-abilities too.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
At the moment that we knew what it was, we cried. We held each other and cried. We were afraid because this was a disease we knew nothing about. We only knew enough to know that our future was uncertain. But then again, whose isn’t?
That was on a Saturday. After we cried, after the shock or pain or reality began to sink in, we made the decision that whatever it was, we would learn about it, learn from it and be an example to our children, family and friends. I believe that is exactly what we have done.
When the diagnosis arrived that Monday morning, it was really more of a confirmation of what we already knew. I have MS. Okay. Now what?
Aside from starting to take medicine, at that time a daily injection, life was pretty much the same. I had my routine - work, eat, sleep, occasional exercise - but over time I started having some balance issues and my legs were getting a little wobbly. I started using a cane and everyone felt better after I did. Not too much later, I got a pretty severe staph infection and checked into the hospital for sixteen days. After I came out of the hospital, I started using a walker. That episode has been the most impactful one physically since my diagnosis.
Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. If you are not bored yet by these details, know that I am.
My symptoms include the following:
Weak legs
Bladder issues
Constipation
Erectile issues
Heat sensitivity (If I get hot or a fever, I can’t move)
My hands get tired quickly from typing, eating, etc.
I use a wheelchair whenever there is more than very little walking to be done.
I have osteoporosis (I take Boniva just like Sally Fields does)
I have severe sleep apnea. (We are now treating that)
I can only sit up at a desk for an hour or two before needing to lie down or use a recliner.
I can only stand for seconds at a time and need a walker to hold on to for that.
I get something called Lehrmittes Syndrome. Sometimes it really hurts. I can only guess that it feels like being tasered. It causes me to use expletives! It is not everyday and it doesn’t last for long….so I can live with it.
There are many other common symptoms that I do not have and for that I am grateful.
What else can I tell you?
I need help and I have learned to ask for it.
I need help throughout the day.
I need help getting my clothes out (I still dress myself).
I need help getting food and drink. I cannot get it on my own.
I fall down. Sometimes twice a week and sometimes twice a day.
My fine motor skills are limited. It takes me an eternity to button a shirt.
That is my disease. What it is not is who I am.
I am a happy man. I wake up feeling happy every day of my life.
I lead an amazing and very active life, filled with family and friends.
My marriage of almost 29 years is better than ever and I love my wife more today than I did on our wedding day. We go places and do the things that others only dream of.
Together we participate in anything and everything we can. We are active with our chapter of the MS Society. We have one of the biggest teams at the Greater LA Walk MS. We are active with other charities and truly feel that we make a difference in the world. Our lives are full, rich and so very worth living.
Together, we are absolutely who we want to be in the world around us.
Do I have challenges? Yes. Some days are clearly more difficult than others. Are we having a hard time making ends meet? You betcha! But all of that has nothing to do with who we are. Our circumstances do not determine our happiness.
Sometimes people say that they feel sorry for me because of all that I miss out on. I don’t feel that way at all. In fact, I wish that everybody could be me for just a day to experience the happiness and joy that I experience.
There is one that thing I write about and talk about often and that is gratitude. My MS has taught me more about gratitude than I ever could have learned from a life without incident. It is that knowledge and experience of gratitude that enables me to feel the way I do and wake up happy everyday of my life.
I suppose that I do have a disability. But that disability has caused me to have some super-abilities too.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Are we part of a Lost Generation?
Please watch this short video.
What will it sound like when your life is played back?
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
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