Monday, June 22, 2009

What if you couldn't?

This is not about sex. It really isn’t.

My friend has a beautiful, sweet, smart wife that he loves. They have two kids and a beautiful home and life together. What they don’t have is as much sex as he wants. He wants to have sex every morning (what he calls his “Breakfast of Champions”) and every night. His wife doesn’t have his appetite and so they only have sex a few times a week. Because of her ‘unwillingness’, he is thinking of leaving her. WOW! When I heard this I was shocked. Such a beautiful, happy couple on the verge of divorce and for what? Not ENOUGH sex. To me, that was an odd priority to base a relationship on.

One of the benefits I have gained from having a disability is that it makes me uniquely qualified to say and do certain things. This was one of those instances. I asked my friend what would he do if something happened to him and he no longer had the ability to have sex twice a day? What would he do then? I also asked him if he ever got really sick, who would he want by his side?

It was a fantastic moment. He understood immediately what I was asking and the point I was making by asking the question. You could actually see him re-establishing his priorities at that very instant. It is now several years later and they are still happily married. I haven’t asked how often they have sex. But I would bet that it is still not twice a day. More importantly, I would bet that they are going to be together, happily married, for many years to come.

As I mentioned, this is not about sex. It is about priorities and self examination. Most people will never have to deal with these questions. That is a good thing. What is also a good thing is taking the time to ask yourself questions and examine your own identity. “What if I you couldn’t” may only be hypothetical today. Having asked yourself the question and having considered it as a possibility, may prove to be beneficial if circumstances ever change and you are confronted with a new reality.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

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