Doing the best we can. Part Two. When is failure a success?

When is failure a success? Every time we do the best that we can do.

Recently I was introduced to Wendy Booker. Have you heard of her? She is an extraordinary person who does amazing things. She used to be an interior designer. now she runs marathons and much more. She also lives with Multiple Sclerosis.

Wendy is a 55 year old single mom and was diagnosed with MS twelve years ago. After getting her diagnosis, she learned of a team of mountain climbers, all with MS, who were training to climb Mount McKinley (Denali). The team attempted their first climb in 2002 and due to weather, did not make it to the top. But that didn’t stop Wendy.

In 2004 she went back and made it to the top. She then decided to be the first person with MS to climb the highest mountain on every continent: Kilimanjaro, Denali, Mt. Elbrus, Mt. Aconcagua, Mt. Vinson Massif, Mt. Kosciuszko and Mount Everest, the Seven Summits. So far she has completed six of those climbs. How amazing is that?

After months of preparation, in April Wendy set out to climb Mount Everest, the world’s tallest mountain and a climb of more than 29,000 feet.

A climb like this requires much more than physical strength and determination. Many of the obstacles are unknown and unpredictable until the climber gets there and discovers how their body responds. At over 17,000 feet, Wendy’s body could no longer tolerate the lack of oxygen and extreme temperature changes, all compounded and magnified by her MS. She did not make it to the top. She did not realize her goal.

Does not making it to the top mean that Wendy failed? I don’t think so. In fact, I consider her a huge success. She did more than she ever did before. She has done and accomplished what few able-bodied people can do. She did what no other known person with MS has ever done. She has set the bar for herself and others who may want to accomplish a similar goal. She did the best that she could do. Fail? I don’t thinks so.

Wendy has set an example for all of us. We all have ‘mountains to climb’. The questions are will we and will we do the best we can?

I encourage you to learn more about Wendy by visiting her blog (http://wendybooker.wordpress.com ) and website (http://www.wendybooker.net ). Then go climb a mountain and do the best you can.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Do the best we can. Who could ask for more than that?

I spent 26 years in management and came from the school that said “you either have results or excuses why not”. It was an approach to managing salespeople in particular that did not allow for excuses, reasons and stories about why not. We wanted results and this approach is both valid and effective in that arena and in many areas of my life today. Yet today, my view seems to have changed….softened. There are some things that we just cannot do or control.

I bring this up because I recently received an e-mail from one of my new ‘internet friends’. I had asked him to participate in something and he responded telling me why he could not attend, then saying “I can see you shaking your head and thinking; excuses, excuses.” His response hit me like a punch in the gut. OUCH! Do I really convey such a lack of understanding or sensitivity? I hope not and trust that his comment had more to do with his knowing how active I am and then comparing himself to me.

Two issues are at stake. The first has to do with excuses and the second is comparisons.

Excuses

We all have excuses. We use them to justify ourselves for the things we do or don’t do; our reasons why or why not. The question we must ask ourselves is do our excuses keep us from doing the things we want to do and can do? Please know that I am less concerned with what others think of my, or your, reasons and excuses than I am with why I, or you, have them.

The first question we must ask ourselves is can it be done and then, can it be done by me, or you?

Comparisons

Maybe it is human nature, or some flawed instinct that many of us possess. Whatever the reason, to varying degrees we all tend to compare ourselves to others. We do this at the most superficial levels and without regard to other considerations such as physical health, socio-economic factors, genetics, personality and a whole host of other reasons that make us all different.

While it may be human nature, comparing ourselves to others is just wrong. We are each unique in a million different ways. The only person that I can honestly compare myself to is me.

Did I do what I said I was going to do?

Did I do as much as I could do?

Did I do the best that I could do?

If I needed help, did I ask for it? Did I get it?

Am I being the person I want to be?

I do a lot of things and very few of them do I do alone. I have an extraordinary support system that surrounds me and allows me to all the things I am able to do. Everyone needs support and help. Some of us just need more or different help than others.

My hope for you, for all of us really, is that if we need help or support, that we are able to get it and that we do the best we can do. Who could ask for more than that?

Over the next several weeks I will revisit this issue of doing the best we can. I hope to include stories of others who do amazing things and make a difference in the world. I hope you will check back and let me know your thoughts and stories……or at least, do the best you can.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Five Rules for a Happy Life

I have my share of problems and challenges. I have stress, financial worries, children to worry about and a million other daily “life issues” just like everybody else does. I also have a disability and chronic disease that keeps me from working and walking. But none of that keeps me from waking up happy every day of my life.

I have broken down ‘my approach’ to life into five simple rules that I want to share with you. Why? Because they work for me. Maybe they will work for you too.

The rules are as follows:

RULE ONE: The last person you should be thinking about is you. If you are thinking about yourself, then have that thought start with “How fortunate I am”, “How lucky I am”, “How blessed I am.” Or ask questions like “How can I help?”, “What difference can I make?” But if you are thinking “Poor me”, get off the pity pot! Happiness begins with gratitude and making a difference to others.

Don’t get me wrong, we do have to think about ourselves sometimes. We have to take care of ourselves and our physical and spiritual needs. “Necessity is the mother of invention” and many of the advances that we enjoy today were the result of somebody having a problem and solving it. But if focusing on your own problems is getting you down, try focusing on and helping someone else. It will help. Remember, things could always be worse.

RULE TWO: Trust everyone. You will find that you make mistakes sometimes, but being trusting is a much better way to approach life. If you live and work in such a way that your life is an open book, you will have nothing to worry about, people will trust you and be trustworthy.

RULE THREE: Know that everything in life happens for a reason. Expect life.

Scott Peck begins his book “The Road Less Traveled” with three simple and powerful words: “Life is difficult.” He goes on to explain that the challenge many of us face has to do with our expecting life to be easy and it isn’t. He then goes on to say “that once we see this truth, we transcend it.” In other words, just knowing and expecting that life will be difficult, makes it less difficult.

Some people I know say “always expect the worse and you will never be disappointed”. I disagree. Remember, everything that happens in life happens for a reason. We get to choose what the reason is. Find something of value in every event and circumstance and you will never need to expect the worst.

RULE FOUR: Make a difference. Be involved with something. Don’t just be a member. Be a participant. Show up. Don’t sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else have all the fun. Do more. Give more. Play more. Write more. Love more. If you want more out of life, if you want to be able to say “I got more then I gave”, be a participant.

RULE FIVE: If you are not happy about something, change it. If you can’t change it, then change the way you feel or think about it. The one thing in life that we can control is how we feel about things, our judgments. Exercise that ability and you will build strong character and be a happier person.

Problems? Challenges? Sure. I have as many or more than the next guy. But those problems don’t mean that my glass is half empty or half full. My glass is overflowing.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Knowing what to be grateful for

I get “A Quote of the Day” from the website “All About Gratitude” (http://www.AllAboutGratitude.com ) and love it. Gratitude is a recurring theme in my own writing and I believe that when it comes to being happy, it makes all the difference in the world. I also believe that many, if not most people, don’t know what to be grateful for.

Paul Taubman of “All About Gratitude” found this on the internet. I thought it was worth sharing. Enjoy!

I am Thankful:

For The Mess To Clean After A Party Because It Means I Have Been Surrounded By Friends.

For The Clothes That Fit A Little Too Snug Because It Means I Have Enough To Eat.

For My Shadow That Watches Me Work Because It Means I Am Out In The Sunshine

For A Lawn That Needs Mowing, Windows That Need Cleaning, And Gutters That Need Fixing Because It Means I Have A Home.

For The Teenager Who Is Complaining About Doing Dishes Because It Means She Is At Home, Not On The Streets.

For The Taxes I Pay Because It Means I Am Employed.

For All The Complaining I Hear About The Government Because It Means We Have Freedom Of Speech.

For The Parking Spot I Find At The Far End Of The Parking Lot Because It Means I Am Capable Of Walking And I Have Been Blessed With Transportation.

For My Huge Heating Bill Because It Means I Am Warm.

For The Lady Behind Me In Church Who Sings Off Key Because It Means I Can Hear.

For The Pile Of Laundry And Ironing Because It Means I Have Clothes To Wear.

For Weariness And Aching Muscles At The End Of The Day Because It Means I Have Been Capable Of Working Hard.

For The Alarm That Goes Off In The Early Morning Hours Because It Means I Am Alive.

And Finally, For Too Much E-Mail Because It Means I Have Friends Who Are Thinking Of Me.

- As seen on the internet

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

What will you do?

The National MS Society has declared March 8-14 “National MS Awareness Week” and the MS Foundation calls March the “National MS Education and Awareness Month”. With that said, the question is “what will you do?”

Over the past few years we have become increasingly involved with the National MS Society. What I have learned from that involvement is that most everybody wants to help. They just don’t know what to do. Below are a few suggestions and I hope they will help you.

Join one of 600 MS Walks taking place from coast to coast
Better yet, join our team, the JiggyWiggits on April 18th at the Greater LA Walk around the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. The Walk is a great way to spend the day and participate in raising money to find a cure.
Click here to Join or Donate or Find A Walk Near You

Become an MS Activist
This is easy to do, free and makes a huge difference. The more voices we have, the more we are heard. The more we are heard, the better the research funding, legislation, services and more for people living with MS.
Be an MS activist.

Be a volunteer
Volunteers are needed and make it all happen. They assist with all the big events (The Walk, the Bike Ride and Challenge Walk) and with individual support and activities (Peer counseling, financial aid, referrals and resources).
Click here to Volunteer

Learn something new and share it
There is so much to know and so much information available that it is impossible for any one person to stay on top of it all. Fortunately, the National MS Society does a pretty good job of that. But having the info on their website is not enough. It needs to be read and shared with others. Learn something new about research and treatments and share it with someone you know.
Learn Something New About MS Research and Treatment

Join an MS Support Group
If you live with or are caring for someone with MS, then there is probably a Community Support Group near you. These groups provide a forum for the exchange of information and ideas on living better with MS. Join the community. No one has to go through this alone.
Support Groups In Southern California
Find a Chapter of the MS Society near you.

Host your own fundraiser
Carwashes, bake sales and lemonade stands. There are a million ways to help raise money for research and treatment of MS. All you need to get started is to click here:
Host your own fundraiser

Ask somebody to donate to the cause
For many people, fundraising is a four letter word. But after years of experience, I know how to make it easy. Ask the people that you give money to for help. Ask your doctor, lawyer or accountant to donate. Ask your insurance agent, electrician or plumber to help. And, if you ask everyone that you give money to for a donation, they will do it. It is a very simple concept. “You wash my back and I will wash yours.” But if you don’t ask, you don’t get. So do it today. Send them to our link. You’ll feel good and they will too.
Click here to Join or Donate

The first step is to increase awareness. With increased awareness comes increased funding. With increased funding comes a cure. We can all be a part of the cure for MS. The only question is “What will you do?”

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

A Pill That Is Not Hard To Swallow

This entry is specifically for people with MS.

Today I was contacted by a representative from Acorda Therapeutics to talk about AMPYRA, the newest drug to be approved by the FDA specifically for people with Multiple Sclerosis. The drug is designed to improve walking speed and ability. They want to get the word out to our community and have contacted several bloggers to help them do that. That’s where I come in.

I am also uniquely qualified to talk about this drug because its main ingredient is 4-aminopyrodine (4-AP for those in the know), which I have been taking for the past several years. The good news about 4-AP is that it works. The bad news is that it is not an FDA approved drug, is only available through compound pharmacies and insurance companies won’t pay for it. Now all of that is changing.

To varying degrees, many of us with MS have difficulty walking. In clinical trials AMPYRA helped improve walking speeds by as much as 25%. Having taken 4-AP, the main ingredient in AMPYRA, I can tell you that I walk better and feel stronger when I take it and that is a good thing. Keep in mind that AMPYRA is not a substitute for one of the disease modifying drugs and will not impact the course of an person’s MS. But it will improve walking ability for many who take it.

Were there side effects? Yes, there is a risk of seizures and we knew that when I started on the drug. At first I took 10 mg a day. No problem. Then 20 mg a day and then 30 mg a day. No problem. Then I took 40 mg and BAM! I had a seizure that night. I dropped back down to 20 mg. a day and haven’t had a problem since.

The recommended dosage is 10 mg. twice a day. There is no evidence of incremental benefit with increased dosage, so don’t take more or you might have a seizure! Also, do not take AMPYRA if you have kidney or renal problems.

Here is what they won’t tell you…..4-AP is a leading brand of bird poison. It causes seizures in birds and that is what keeps them away. Who figured out that it might be good for people? I love modern medicine.

Acorda Therapeutics, the company that is marketing AMPYRA, is making the product very affordable for almost everyone. Like many drug companies, they have a program for the uninsured and under-insured who qualify, to receive the medicine at no cost. For those of us with insurance, the company has agreed to limit our co-pays where allowed (Sorry Massachusetts residents) to $40.00 per month. This is much less than what I pay the compounding pharmacy each month and that’s a good thing.

To learn more go to:
http://www.ampyra.com/consumer
http://www.fda.gov/NewsEvents/Newsroom/PressAnnouncements/ucm198463.htm
Or watch a video from the National MS Society at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E7DUwkAQv4

Walk better. Then sign up to do one of the more than 600 MS Walks taking place from coast to coast. Bring a friend or join us. You, and your friend, will be glad you did.
Join Us At National MS Society - Walk Event:

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Because it is Valentine's Day

Recently, one of my oldest and dearest friends had a stroke. He survived, yet it was a shock to all of us. Then, just a few weeks later, another dear friend had a heart attack and survived. It seems as though they have both fully recovered, but WOW! What a wake up call, not just for them, but all of us who were paying attention.

After my first friend’s stroke and just before my other friend’s heart attack, my little half-sister fell and broke her leg. Following her surgery, she had complications with her breathing. You see, our little Naomi did not know how to swallow correctly and her lungs filled with fluid. Soon she was on life support, and shortly after that, it became clear that she would never recover. As a family, we all agreed that taking her off of life support was the right thing to do. Naomi died just a day later.

Naomi had severe developmental disability (It is no longer considered appropriate to use the term “retarded”.) She was 39 years old and others who had a similar condition had never lived beyond 30 years of age. Though her life was not particularly long, it was not a short life. It was certainly long enough for her to have had an impact on a number of people.

I tell you this because it is Valentine’s Day. Though Valentine’s Day is traditionally reserved for lovers, I think it is a good time to tell everyone you love that they matter and make a difference…before it is too late.

Telling people that we love them would be a great habit to have every day. But if you are like me, you may not take the time daily to communicate this message to those you love most and just assume that they know. If that is as true for you as it is for me, then I encourage you to use Valentine’s Day to get the word out.

In fact, if you are reading this, please know that you make a difference to me and I love you for that.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Staying in the race.

I love to run. Now that may come as a surprise to many of you, especially since I use a walker or wheelchair today, but it’s true.

I started running about 15 years ago, late by most runners standards, and I was not a typical runner. Truthfully, I was a jogger and some runners would say that jogging is not the same as running and they are right. So for arguments sake, let’s say that I love to jog.

When I started jogging I weighed about 234 pounds, a substantial amount for anybody 5’8” tall and especially a jogger. I started out, probably like a lot of people, on a treadmill, first with walking and then jogging a few steps, then walking and then jogging again and so on. Eventually I got to the point where I could jog constantly for 30 minutes. At that point I had become a real jogger.

How much jogging did I do? A fair amount. I would get up and jog a 5K almost every morning, at least 5 days a week. Do you know what happened? I lost weight? Do you know what I discovered? If I jogged, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight. What a great deal that was! I jogged, which I loved to do, and I got to eat whatever I wanted. I had found the formula for a happy life.

In time I did a number of 5K events, even a few 10K’s. But a 10K is only 6.5 miles and I needed to go further. Joggers and runners talk about being in the zone. The zone is both a mental and physical state that enables you to keep going. It transcends distance and exhaustion and you keep moving. It is difficult to explain or to expect someone to understand unless they have been in the zone, too. For you non-joggers, you are just going to have to trust me on this one.

Early one Saturday morning I set out to jog a greater distance. I did not know how far I would get, but I was going. I put my wife on alert that she may have to pick me up at some yet to be determined location and I was off. A few hours later she picked me up. I had jogged 13 miles, a half marathon. I did it and I still had a lot more in me. I was about to become a long distance jogger.

No matter how you do it, jogging, walking or running, it still takes a lot of time to go 20 miles. That distance, 20 miles, became my regular weekend run and it took me 4.5 to 5 hours to do. I would leave my house between 5:30 and 6:00 in the morning, drive to Beverly Hills, park the car and head to the ocean…..and back. A pretty good run, or jog, by almost anyone’s standards.

I kept up my jogging for many months, though in time it was less and less. Why? Mostly because of work. It got to a point where I usually worked six days a week and 10 to 14 hour days were more common than uncommon. Eventually work had replaced jogging altogether.

A few years later, I started having problems with my legs; numbness, tingling and weakness. I called the doctor and in a matter of days was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Since that time, the disease has progressed and my walking is very limited and requires a walker. Obviously my jogging days are over.

Today I use jogging as a metaphor. I get up every day and ‘put my sneakers on’, metaphorically speaking, that is. I still sign up, register and prepare for life’s big events and know that to be a participant, I have to go the distance to cross the finish line. We all do…..if we choose to.

About two years ago I was introduced to Mitchell, an extraordinary man who has survived incredible life events including a plane crash and motorcycle accident. Today he is confined to a wheelchair and says "Before I was paralyzed there were 10,000 things I could do. Now there are 9,000. I can either dwell on the 1,000 I've lost or focus on the 9,000 I have left." Clearly he is focused on what he can do. (www.wmitchell.com )

I can’t jog anymore. But not being able to jog doesn’t keep me out of the race. I still participate. I do what I can and focus on what I can do. In many ways, I am busier and happier today than I have ever been. I write, travel, skydive, speak for the MS Society, socialize and much more.

I am still in the race.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

It starts with the decision: "It can be done."

It starts with the decision: "It can be done."

It's New Year's Day. As is our custom, we woke up, turned on the TV and began watching the Rose Parade and then I saw them. The Ohio State School for the Blind Marching Band. WOW! A blind marching band. Who thought of that? The answer is "somebody did."

To me, it was both impressive and beautiful. Their story is better. The band existed, but did not start marching until the Ohio School for the Deaf revived its football program and requested a marching band. Fantastic on all accounts. (Learn More)

The fact is that doing the impossible always starts with someone having the idea that it can be done.

This is true for any and every advancement that we as a species have ever made. Advancements in science, politics, sports, human rights, technology, the arts and so on have all resulted because someone decided it can be done.

When Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile barrier in 1954, our world was forever changed. He did it because he believed it could be done and the impossible was suddenly possible. Since that time, scores of people have run a four minute mile. Is a three minute mile possible? It won’t until someone decides it can be done. For me, I have learned to never say never.

I am relatively certain that I will never run a four minute mile (or five or six minute mile either!). But because there are people who can and do believe that things are possible, the impossible, the unthinkable, the unimaginable has become possible. Today we know that you can never prove a negative. That is, you can never prove that something will never happen. What we can do is continue to make advances, even if only at a fraction of a second at a time.

The treatments we have today for cancer, diabetes, heart disease, AIDS and MS were all non-existent just 30 years ago. Will we cure all of these diseases? We won’t unless we think it can be done.

It is a now 2010. It is a time for me to ask myself “What can I do?” I have a few ideas and if I do them, I promise to let you know about them. My hope for the new year is that you will ask yourself the same question.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

My Bucket List Just Got Shorter.

I have wanted to do it for years. I was going to do it for my 50th birthday and couldn’t because I weighed too much, so I waited. I lost weight (30 pounds) and for my 52nd birthday, I did it. I jumped out of an airplane and went SKYDIVING.

Like most first-time jumpers, I did a tandem jump. This means that I was tied to, strapped to and hooked to an experienced jumper. It also meant that I did not have to worry about opening my parachute. It was done for me.


There was nothing for me to worry about. When I was at the door of the plane readying to jump, there was no time to say “Wait, wait, wait!”, or even think about it. Before I knew it, my ‘travel partner’ and I were out of the plane and free-falling.

Free-falling. Now there is a term. Let me explain what freefalling is like.

Imagine a roller-coaster ride. The ride climbs to the top and then WHOOSH! You are dropping at about 75 to 85 miles per hour and the drop, rarely more than 100 feet, lasts for two to three seconds. Although you are safely strapped in and seated in a metal car, your hands are in the air as you scream with delight; perhaps the longest two or three seconds of your life.

Free-falling is different. Your airplane climbs to 12,500 feet and then you jump. A small chute opens quickly so that you are face down and slowed to 120 miles per hour. You ‘fall’ at that speed for just over a mile, about six thousand feet, and for about 30 seconds. (Want to know how long thirty seconds is? Count it out saying “One thousand and one, one thousand and two”, etc) Also, there is no metal car. Just your own personal cheerleader, riding on your back and encouraging you the whole way down.

Sensory Overload. My arms instinctively spread wide like a bird. The goggles protect your eyes, but my cheeks were flapping in the wind, while my heart raced and my mind went numb! Too much to absorb. Too much to take in all at once.

I looked down and was amazed at how high up in the air I was. As far as I was concerned, I could see for hundreds of miles. The thrill, the excitement and the adrenaline were like nothing I had ever experienced before. I quickly understood why so many make this there sport of choice.

Finally and suddenly the parachute opens. The next seven or eight minutes are spent coasting to earth…..albeit at a much faster speed than I had expected. Most of that time was spent regaining my composure, high-fiving my travel companion and trying to absorb everything I had just gone through.

Jumping with me were my son, Adam and my good friend Randy. It was Adam’s first time too. But it was Randy’s 359th jump and he goes solo. While the rest of us were outfitted with helmets and jumpsuits, Randy wore only a t-shirt and shorts. He jumped first and did about eleven summersaults before opening his parachute. What a guy. What kahunas!

There were other experienced jumpers on the plane, jumping in groups of three to five and doing aerial formations on the way down. What a sight. Poetry in motion…..very fast motion.

Of course, I had something that no one else on the plane had: a disability. I was prepared and the crew was ready for me. It turns out that this particular skydiving location accommodates people with disabilities regularly and they knew just what to do.

They wheeled me out to the plane and instantly lifted me onboard. Their skill, knowledge and confidence made me comfortable and secure. My only question was how would I land? They had an answer for that too.

My legs were strapped together around my knees and ankles. As we descended towards our landing, the ground crew was waiting for me. They were there to make sure that my legs stayed up, in front of me and did not fold underneath me. Smooth and gentle, just as I like it….and expected.

The whole experience was very different than I expected. Years ago I took a flight lesson in a small Cessna four passenger plane. The sense of flying I felt was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was as though I knew just how a bird felt as they soared across the sky.

Since then, I have wanted to try other flying activities like gliding and hang gliding. While I never did either of those, I have gone para-sailing and loved it. It too gave that sense of soaring through the air.

I did not have that feeling at all while skydiving. Even after the parachute opened, we were still moving too quickly to feel as though we were soaring through the air. I did not feel like a bird, but I sure did feel a whole lot else.

You may know or have already guessed that skydiving is not cheap. In fact it is expensive, about $200 per person for a tandem jump. But you can do it for FREE!

There is a new no-profit group called Skydive4free.com and they have affiliated with skydive locations all over the country. All you have to do is raise $500 for your favorite charity and you are good to go. Visit their web site at www.Skydive4free.com and get all the details.

Do good in the world. Raise some money and do the jump. Then cross another item off of your bucket list.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.