The Medical Report

I remember laughing. It was almost 30 years ago and if you called my mother-in-law and asked “How ya doing?” you got the answer, the whole medical report whether you wanted it or not. Well, here it is, almost 30 years later and if you ask me, or my wife, or most of our friends “How ya doing?”, you are likely to get the whole medical report.

What happened? We got older. More importantly, our bodies got older too and with aging bodies comes more ailments, diseases….and medical reports.

The truth is that those we care about and those who care about us want to know how we are. It’s more than a morbid curiousity. But rather an “I made it” –“Did you make it too?” type of curiosity. The fact is that we are getting older and to me, that’s the good news.

For many years I have said “If we are lucky enough to live long enough, we will all have something to deal with.” That’s the good news. It means that we have lived long enough to have something. That’s life and I would rather have it than not have it. Some of us are ‘lucky enough to have our health issues earlier…..like me.
God willing you are in your 50’s, 60’s, 70’s or older and are healthy and strong. What a blessing. But chances are that if you have lived that long, you know someone who has had to face serious health issues and chances are that when you ask “How ya doing?”, you really want to know.

Little did I know that way back when I asked my mother-in-law “How ya doing”, the meaning and significance those three little words would take on not that many years later.

Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.

Eating Children.

The title of this piece is correct. It is about eating children.

Many, many years ago when my kids were born (now 26 and almost 28 years old), I wrote poems. Some of you may identify with them…..or at least I hope so. For years people have told me to publish them. So here are a few of them.

WARNING: Some are about eating children.

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He’s nibbling at my feet

He’s chewing on my fingers

And telling me I’m so sweet

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He’s sucking on my cheek

I am getting smaller everyday

I think I’ll be gone next week

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

I can tell from his kiss on my head

Because I am sure that what he’s doing

Is taking little bites instead

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He calls me his Little Lamb

That’s a favorite food of his

And he thinks that’s what I am

My Daddy’s Trying To Eat Me!

He calls me his Sugar and Spice

I guess that’s the price a little girl pays

When she tastes so nice!

By Michael Gerber

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy!

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy

And she won’t let him out for nine months

She won’t let him have toys,

Or make any noise

Or even watch TV, not once

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy!

And we’re told that she eats everything

From the way she is showing

And her tummy is growing

I’ll bet that she’s bursting a seam

There’s A Baby Inside That Lady’s Tummy!

And you better be fast on your feet

Because inside her belly

It stretches like jelly
And you’ll be the next one she eats!

By Michael Gerber

If Kids Were Cookies

If kids were cookies

I’d the fresh every single day

I’d like to know how many kids

That I could put away

Yes, I’d eat these kids with ketchup

And even day old stew

Yes, I’d eat them by the dozen

If kids were cookies too

And when all the cookies are eaten

I kkn1ow just what I’ll do

I’ll make the rest into Kiddy Cake

And Kiddy Jello Too

By Michael B. Gerber

I hope you enjoy these. Feel free to pass them on to new or expecting parents. I always do and they seem to enjoy them.