Michael Josephson of Character Counts is one of my favorite commentators. He recently published this story and I wanted to share it with all my friends. It is about choice.
“A 6-year-old girl I’ll call Sarah knocked over a display case that contained a much-cherished vase once owned by her great-grandmother. Her mom loved that vase and frequently referred to it as the family treasure. The vase hit the floor with a loud crash and shattered into pieces. Sarah, shocked and frightened at what she’d done, screamed and began sobbing.
Her mom came running into the room fearing the worst. Seeing the shattered vase, her heart sank. Then she saw Sarah sitting on the floor wailing. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry, Mommy. I broke the family treasure!”
Seeing despair on her daughter’s face, the mother’s heart plunged further.
Faced with two powerful and conflicting instincts – one toward anger and blame, the other toward compassion and forgiveness, she sat next to Sarah, pulled her on her lap, and kissed her tears. “Sweetheart, when I ran in here, I was terrified that something bad had happened to our family’s most precious treasure. But thank God, you’re okay. Sarah, you are the family treasure.”
Sarah’s mom turned what could have been a painful incident and a lifelong source of guilt into an enduring source of affirmation and worthiness.
I wonder if I would have had the presence of mind to realize in the instant after an upsetting event that I could choose my reaction and that my choice would have a permanent impact on someone I love.
The reaction of Sarah’s mom was nothing short of heroic and stands as a reminder that, even in the face of powerful emotions, we do have choices – and they really matter.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
This is my variation of a parable told by Rabbi Steven Carr Reuben, which in turn was derived from a true incident from one of his congregants.”
You can subscribe to his weekly newsletter at www.charactercounts.org/michael
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Sense and Sensibility
When I talk about senses, I am not talking about sight, smell, touch, taste, etc. I am talking about something perhaps a little bigger. I am talking about those senses which give meaning to our lives. I am talking about having a sense of who we are in this world that we live in.
Sense of independence
When I gave up driving four years ago I worried that I would lose my sense of independence. I have not. What I have learned is that my independence is not dependent on my driving, ability to get my own meals or take care of all my daily needs. My independence is found in my thoughts, feelings, actions and words. Yes, my disability requires me to be more dependent on others than I ever dreamed of. But thankfully, that is not where my sense of independence comes from.
Sense of community
We all belong to something that is bigger than ourselves. But belonging is not enough. We must be participants too. Being a participant means that our goals are not driven by just what is good for ourselves. Instead we are driven by what is good for everyone.
Sense of humor
“I don’t think that I should use self-deprecating humor. But I think you should.”
We must first be able to laugh at ourselves. Then we can laugh with the world around us. Laughter leads to joy and joy is contagious. Be the source and cause of laughter. Life is too short to go without it.
Sense of wonder.
Marvel at the world around us. Be impressed by the beauty of life. Find majesty in sunsets and awe in the miracle of life being created. Be inspired by the power of the human spirit. Love the fact that you are alive and savor everything that life has to offer.
Sense of purpose
This can best be defined as the quality of having a definite purpose in life. Know why are you here and find the meaning your life has. Make a difference to someone or something and wake up everyday feeling great about the opportunity that each day offers.
We may lose our sense of taste or smell as we get older and that is okay. What we really want is to develop these other senses. After all, it may be the only truly sensible way to approach life.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sense of independence
When I gave up driving four years ago I worried that I would lose my sense of independence. I have not. What I have learned is that my independence is not dependent on my driving, ability to get my own meals or take care of all my daily needs. My independence is found in my thoughts, feelings, actions and words. Yes, my disability requires me to be more dependent on others than I ever dreamed of. But thankfully, that is not where my sense of independence comes from.
Sense of community
We all belong to something that is bigger than ourselves. But belonging is not enough. We must be participants too. Being a participant means that our goals are not driven by just what is good for ourselves. Instead we are driven by what is good for everyone.
Sense of humor
“I don’t think that I should use self-deprecating humor. But I think you should.”
We must first be able to laugh at ourselves. Then we can laugh with the world around us. Laughter leads to joy and joy is contagious. Be the source and cause of laughter. Life is too short to go without it.
Sense of wonder.
Marvel at the world around us. Be impressed by the beauty of life. Find majesty in sunsets and awe in the miracle of life being created. Be inspired by the power of the human spirit. Love the fact that you are alive and savor everything that life has to offer.
Sense of purpose
This can best be defined as the quality of having a definite purpose in life. Know why are you here and find the meaning your life has. Make a difference to someone or something and wake up everyday feeling great about the opportunity that each day offers.
We may lose our sense of taste or smell as we get older and that is okay. What we really want is to develop these other senses. After all, it may be the only truly sensible way to approach life.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Two Emotional
There is a theory, perhaps a philosophy, which says that there are only two emotions: Fear and Love. Everything else falls under one of those two emotions.
So why is this important? It is important because if we can recognize our negative or “fear driven” emotions, we might be able to do something about them. When we control our emotions, we control our lives. Of course we may not always have control over what happens in our lives, but we can control how we feel or respond to what happens.
Recognizing our emotions is relevant to every aspect of our lives. How we feel about our relationships, money, politics, health, work, prejudices, and more are all determined by whether we are coming from a place of love or fear.
Racism and prejudice are driven by fear. That a person looks different is the cause of that fear. Being different makes them ‘unknown’ and we are always, or at least often, afraid of that which we don’t know. Once we get to know someone who looks different, that fear and our prejudice goes away. Fear of the unknown is a most basic and primal fear. But we are humans and can reason and rationalize and overcome our fears….and our prejudices.
Using a wheelchair makes me different and I experience a kind of fear and prejudice when I go out in public. I often make it a point to be particularly friendly in order to help others overcome their fears. Once that is done, they can treat me with love and don’t we all deserve that?
Fear based emotions rarely do us or anyone any good. These include hate, prejudice, distrust, doubt, pessimism, disgust and more. Love based emotions would be just the opposite; love, acceptance, trust, confidence, optimism, respect, etc.
Being able to recognize our emotions and fears gives us the opportunity to examine our feelings and ask ourselves “What are we afraid of?” If we can do that, we might not only be able to change how we feel, we just might change the world.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
So why is this important? It is important because if we can recognize our negative or “fear driven” emotions, we might be able to do something about them. When we control our emotions, we control our lives. Of course we may not always have control over what happens in our lives, but we can control how we feel or respond to what happens.
Recognizing our emotions is relevant to every aspect of our lives. How we feel about our relationships, money, politics, health, work, prejudices, and more are all determined by whether we are coming from a place of love or fear.
Racism and prejudice are driven by fear. That a person looks different is the cause of that fear. Being different makes them ‘unknown’ and we are always, or at least often, afraid of that which we don’t know. Once we get to know someone who looks different, that fear and our prejudice goes away. Fear of the unknown is a most basic and primal fear. But we are humans and can reason and rationalize and overcome our fears….and our prejudices.
Using a wheelchair makes me different and I experience a kind of fear and prejudice when I go out in public. I often make it a point to be particularly friendly in order to help others overcome their fears. Once that is done, they can treat me with love and don’t we all deserve that?
Fear based emotions rarely do us or anyone any good. These include hate, prejudice, distrust, doubt, pessimism, disgust and more. Love based emotions would be just the opposite; love, acceptance, trust, confidence, optimism, respect, etc.
Being able to recognize our emotions and fears gives us the opportunity to examine our feelings and ask ourselves “What are we afraid of?” If we can do that, we might not only be able to change how we feel, we just might change the world.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Why my disability is better.
As I see it, disability comes to us one of three ways. We are born with it. We have a disease or condition that is progressive. Or, it is the sudden effect of some trauma or event. This is a generalization and I know there are exceptions to these rules, but bear with me.
In my case, I lived many years in good health before getting my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. The diagnosis was found after experiencing some minor symptoms (tingling, numbness and some leg weakness).Since then there have been many more symptoms and “disabling conditions.” Because it is a progressive disease, these symptoms have “revealed” themselves to me over time, giving me the opportunity to adjust and make necessary changes both physically and mentally.
I consider this time to make adjustments a real advantage to having MS, or any other degenerative condition. Although I may not know what the future will be, I do know that I can count on time to adjust.
Now someone who is born with a disability may feel as though they have an advantage. It is what they have always known and nothing to have to get used to. Nothing has been “taken away” and there is no adjusting or adjustment to be made. Their life is the same as it has always been.
The person who has had an accident or sudden trauma as the cause of their disability may feel differently altogether. Yes, they have had to make adjustments, but typically only once and then they are done. Their physical condition may be forever changed, but there is no uncertainty about their future. What is done is done. They know what they have and what they have to deal with.
We may not have control over whether or not we have a disability. But we always have control over how we feel about it.
Whatever the nature or cause of our disability, or whatever challenges or conditions we may face in life, I hope that you will see and embrace its advantages. In other words, be grateful for what you got. It is the hand we were dealt. Let’s play it as best we can.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
In my case, I lived many years in good health before getting my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. The diagnosis was found after experiencing some minor symptoms (tingling, numbness and some leg weakness).Since then there have been many more symptoms and “disabling conditions.” Because it is a progressive disease, these symptoms have “revealed” themselves to me over time, giving me the opportunity to adjust and make necessary changes both physically and mentally.
I consider this time to make adjustments a real advantage to having MS, or any other degenerative condition. Although I may not know what the future will be, I do know that I can count on time to adjust.
Now someone who is born with a disability may feel as though they have an advantage. It is what they have always known and nothing to have to get used to. Nothing has been “taken away” and there is no adjusting or adjustment to be made. Their life is the same as it has always been.
The person who has had an accident or sudden trauma as the cause of their disability may feel differently altogether. Yes, they have had to make adjustments, but typically only once and then they are done. Their physical condition may be forever changed, but there is no uncertainty about their future. What is done is done. They know what they have and what they have to deal with.
We may not have control over whether or not we have a disability. But we always have control over how we feel about it.
Whatever the nature or cause of our disability, or whatever challenges or conditions we may face in life, I hope that you will see and embrace its advantages. In other words, be grateful for what you got. It is the hand we were dealt. Let’s play it as best we can.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.”
“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.”
Did your parents ever say that to you? Usually it was mentioned just before giving out a punishment or a spanking (Something we don’t do any more!) Geez! What a bunch of malarkey…..or so I used to think. Living with multiple sclerosis has taught me otherwise.
Not for all, but for some, pain is a chronic, recurring and sometimes constant condition for many people who live with MS. I know this because my MS causes me to have a variety of pains most every day. Sometimes the pains are great and cause me to use expletives!
Some of the pains can best be described as something out of an old horror flick.
Imagine that a mad scientist has strapped you to a table and attached electric cables to your body. The cables are then attached to a machine with a large knob on it. Then, as our mad scientist turns the knob a jolt of electricity is sent to and through your body. Sometimes the mad scientist turns the knob just a little. Sometimes he turns it a lot, sending a giant bolt of electricity to the body. OW! I think that best describes some of the pains I feel. (If you are interested, my friend, Vicki Bridges has written a series of articles about MS and Pain that can be found on Health Central by clicking here: http://www.healthcentral.com/multiple-sclerosis/c/32873 )
But there is another pain that many of us with MS don’t get and that is the heartfelt pain experienced by those closest to us, those who love and care for us most. That is the pain they feel when they see us struggling with our pains and whatever challenges we face with our MS. Living with MS is not easy for me, but it seems to be even more difficult for those closest to me who often can do nothing more than watch it happen.
This is probably true for anyone who cares for someone who is ill and/or living with a disability or chronic condition. It seems that many of us who live with a condition may have accepted our pains more readily than those who love and care for us have. Our remembering that may help us to help those also affected by our condition.
I never spanked my children (although there were times when I wanted to throw them through a plate glass window), although I am sure that I earned my share of “potchkes on my tucchus” while growing up. But somehow today, living with a disability, I seem to understand how my condition “hurts them more than it hurts me.”
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Did your parents ever say that to you? Usually it was mentioned just before giving out a punishment or a spanking (Something we don’t do any more!) Geez! What a bunch of malarkey…..or so I used to think. Living with multiple sclerosis has taught me otherwise.
Not for all, but for some, pain is a chronic, recurring and sometimes constant condition for many people who live with MS. I know this because my MS causes me to have a variety of pains most every day. Sometimes the pains are great and cause me to use expletives!
Some of the pains can best be described as something out of an old horror flick.
Imagine that a mad scientist has strapped you to a table and attached electric cables to your body. The cables are then attached to a machine with a large knob on it. Then, as our mad scientist turns the knob a jolt of electricity is sent to and through your body. Sometimes the mad scientist turns the knob just a little. Sometimes he turns it a lot, sending a giant bolt of electricity to the body. OW! I think that best describes some of the pains I feel. (If you are interested, my friend, Vicki Bridges has written a series of articles about MS and Pain that can be found on Health Central by clicking here: http://www.healthcentral.com/multiple-sclerosis/c/32873 )
But there is another pain that many of us with MS don’t get and that is the heartfelt pain experienced by those closest to us, those who love and care for us most. That is the pain they feel when they see us struggling with our pains and whatever challenges we face with our MS. Living with MS is not easy for me, but it seems to be even more difficult for those closest to me who often can do nothing more than watch it happen.
This is probably true for anyone who cares for someone who is ill and/or living with a disability or chronic condition. It seems that many of us who live with a condition may have accepted our pains more readily than those who love and care for us have. Our remembering that may help us to help those also affected by our condition.
I never spanked my children (although there were times when I wanted to throw them through a plate glass window), although I am sure that I earned my share of “potchkes on my tucchus” while growing up. But somehow today, living with a disability, I seem to understand how my condition “hurts them more than it hurts me.”
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Reality Check
My big brother, Howard, has always been one of my teachers and role models. He taught me how to tie my shoes and to tie a necktie. Years later, he went into real estate sales. Then I went into real estate sales. He went into the mortgage business. I went into the mortgage business. The list goes on and on. He was and is a great big brother.
He also taught me that there is a great distinction between the events that occur in our life and our experience of them. For instance, my stories come from my personal experiences. Are they actually what happened? Yes and no. What they are is what I actually experienced. There is a huge difference between the events that occurred and what I experienced. Both are valid. Both are true….but not necessarily the same.
I will never forget when this truth about experience vs. what happened first hit home for me. It was back in the early 80’s and I was very involved with an organization called Quantum Management Systems. The group did several things including a weekend seminar. The seminar was the kind of transformational experience that was very popular at the time, much like EST, Life Spring, etc.
Sometime around 1982 my brother took that weekend seminar. As a repeat attendee, I could attend as a guest without paying and sit in the back of the room and I did. At one point, my brother got up to speak and he talked about his childhood, our mother and what it was like for him to grow up in our house. It was a very compelling story and everyone, including me, felt very sorry for him and the challenges he faced growing up. However, as I listened to him, there were two things that I kept forgetting. One is that I was listening to my own brother and two was that we grew up in the same home!
If you had heard both of us describing our childhoods, you would not even know that we were related. Why is that? We were both raised in the same house at the same time, with the same events and the same parents. But we experienced all of it very differently. Who was right? Both of us.
What caused this disparity in experience? Was it our age difference? That he was the older sibling? Did I get more attention because I was a sick kid? Whatever the reason, what is clear is that our history is based on our experiences and not the events themselves.
This may be one of the most important lessons that I have learned from my brother. Our feelings about what happens define our experience and feelings are always valid. They are, after all, how we feel. We cannot change our history or change the events that have already taken place. What we can change is our experience. How we feel is within or control.
That is exactly what my brother has done. He has chosen to have a different experience of his childhood. As he puts it “The events are still the same but I was allowed to perceive those events and, ultimately, my experience differently. It was a simple matter of changing my mind.” It may be more difficult than he makes it sound. After all, we often have a lot invested in stories about our history.
Knowing and being able to make this distinction between events and experiences helps me. It helps me to understand others and better understand myself.
I know that I am right about this. After all, that is my experience.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
He also taught me that there is a great distinction between the events that occur in our life and our experience of them. For instance, my stories come from my personal experiences. Are they actually what happened? Yes and no. What they are is what I actually experienced. There is a huge difference between the events that occurred and what I experienced. Both are valid. Both are true….but not necessarily the same.
I will never forget when this truth about experience vs. what happened first hit home for me. It was back in the early 80’s and I was very involved with an organization called Quantum Management Systems. The group did several things including a weekend seminar. The seminar was the kind of transformational experience that was very popular at the time, much like EST, Life Spring, etc.
Sometime around 1982 my brother took that weekend seminar. As a repeat attendee, I could attend as a guest without paying and sit in the back of the room and I did. At one point, my brother got up to speak and he talked about his childhood, our mother and what it was like for him to grow up in our house. It was a very compelling story and everyone, including me, felt very sorry for him and the challenges he faced growing up. However, as I listened to him, there were two things that I kept forgetting. One is that I was listening to my own brother and two was that we grew up in the same home!
If you had heard both of us describing our childhoods, you would not even know that we were related. Why is that? We were both raised in the same house at the same time, with the same events and the same parents. But we experienced all of it very differently. Who was right? Both of us.
What caused this disparity in experience? Was it our age difference? That he was the older sibling? Did I get more attention because I was a sick kid? Whatever the reason, what is clear is that our history is based on our experiences and not the events themselves.
This may be one of the most important lessons that I have learned from my brother. Our feelings about what happens define our experience and feelings are always valid. They are, after all, how we feel. We cannot change our history or change the events that have already taken place. What we can change is our experience. How we feel is within or control.
That is exactly what my brother has done. He has chosen to have a different experience of his childhood. As he puts it “The events are still the same but I was allowed to perceive those events and, ultimately, my experience differently. It was a simple matter of changing my mind.” It may be more difficult than he makes it sound. After all, we often have a lot invested in stories about our history.
Knowing and being able to make this distinction between events and experiences helps me. It helps me to understand others and better understand myself.
I know that I am right about this. After all, that is my experience.
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Ball and Chain
August 15th is a very special day for me and my family because Christina is getting married on that day. Who is Christina? She is an extraordinary and beautiful young woman who has taught me more about attitude, gratitude and perspective than anyone I know.
We met Christina when she was eleven years old. She and our daughter Jenica went to middle school together and quickly became best friends. Always a welcome guest in our house, we included her in our family activities whenever possible. She was, and still is one of my 'favorites'.
Christina's mother died when she was only five years old. Less than two years later, her younger sister died. Then, before turning fifteen, her father died. They all died of AIDS. In other words, Christina had no one to call family.
We knew Steven, her father, well and everyone, including Christina, knew how much he loved her. Before passing he made arrangements for her to have a guardian, Ronna, who watched over and guided her as she continued to grow and blossom and that she did.
From a young age she had to make choices of and on her own. What choices did she make? Life affirming choices. She chose to wake up and be happy every day of her life. She chose to be grateful and express gratitude for every little thing. She chose to make a difference in this world and she does.
How easy and understandable it would have been for Christina to have made different choices. But she didn't. Not having two parents for most of her life and having only one parent to see her reach her teens, could easily have been her handicap in life. But it isn't. Instead, it has been a positive, driving force for her.
After her father's death, she chose to join the "Fight Against AIDS." At seventeen, as soon as she was old enough, she joined and completed the AIDS Bike Ride, a seven day, 500 mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Her father, like several others, had joined the ride, but was too sick to make it to the finish line. Later she finished it for him. The ride triggered the making of a documentary, "No Distance Too Far" featuring our very own Christina.
After doing the AIDS Ride, Christina began speaking at middle and high schools and colleges, too. She talked about her own life and AIDS prevention. Later she volunteered and spent several months providing AIDS education to workers in small towns throughout Ghana. Christina continues her fight against AIDS today and works as a Marketing & Prevention Associate for the Colorado AIDS Project.
Today, on her wedding day, Christina, her husband to be and several friends are doing the AIDS Walk in Denver. Their team is called “Ball and Chain.” (http://aidswalkcolorado.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=305922&lis=1&kntae305922=28ECA339159C4DFB875732F71EABD6E0&supId=0&team=3419358&cj=Y )
Christina makes a difference in the world. I know because of the difference she has made in my life. She is marrying Sean today, a great young man. What I like most about him is that he "gets" all of what is so special about her. He is a lucky man. She is lucky to have someone who values her so.
Christina and Sean,
May you blessed throughout your years together. May you both continue to make a difference in the world and to each other. May your hearts always remain as filled with the love and gratitude you feel for one another as they are today.
Love you both,
Michael
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
We met Christina when she was eleven years old. She and our daughter Jenica went to middle school together and quickly became best friends. Always a welcome guest in our house, we included her in our family activities whenever possible. She was, and still is one of my 'favorites'.
Christina's mother died when she was only five years old. Less than two years later, her younger sister died. Then, before turning fifteen, her father died. They all died of AIDS. In other words, Christina had no one to call family.
We knew Steven, her father, well and everyone, including Christina, knew how much he loved her. Before passing he made arrangements for her to have a guardian, Ronna, who watched over and guided her as she continued to grow and blossom and that she did.
From a young age she had to make choices of and on her own. What choices did she make? Life affirming choices. She chose to wake up and be happy every day of her life. She chose to be grateful and express gratitude for every little thing. She chose to make a difference in this world and she does.
How easy and understandable it would have been for Christina to have made different choices. But she didn't. Not having two parents for most of her life and having only one parent to see her reach her teens, could easily have been her handicap in life. But it isn't. Instead, it has been a positive, driving force for her.
After her father's death, she chose to join the "Fight Against AIDS." At seventeen, as soon as she was old enough, she joined and completed the AIDS Bike Ride, a seven day, 500 mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Her father, like several others, had joined the ride, but was too sick to make it to the finish line. Later she finished it for him. The ride triggered the making of a documentary, "No Distance Too Far" featuring our very own Christina.
After doing the AIDS Ride, Christina began speaking at middle and high schools and colleges, too. She talked about her own life and AIDS prevention. Later she volunteered and spent several months providing AIDS education to workers in small towns throughout Ghana. Christina continues her fight against AIDS today and works as a Marketing & Prevention Associate for the Colorado AIDS Project.
Today, on her wedding day, Christina, her husband to be and several friends are doing the AIDS Walk in Denver. Their team is called “Ball and Chain.” (http://aidswalkcolorado.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=305922&lis=1&kntae305922=28ECA339159C4DFB875732F71EABD6E0&supId=0&team=3419358&cj=Y )
Christina makes a difference in the world. I know because of the difference she has made in my life. She is marrying Sean today, a great young man. What I like most about him is that he "gets" all of what is so special about her. He is a lucky man. She is lucky to have someone who values her so.
Christina and Sean,
May you blessed throughout your years together. May you both continue to make a difference in the world and to each other. May your hearts always remain as filled with the love and gratitude you feel for one another as they are today.
Love you both,
Michael
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Can I Sing The Bass Line?
Puberty came early to me. I actually started shaving at ten years old. By the next year I had the deepest voice of any student in my junior high school. (They call them middle schools today.)
Two years later, the Temptations had a number one hit with “Papa Was A Rolling Stone” and I knew then that when I grew up, I wanted to be the bass singer in a black soul group. A heck of a dream for a short, white Jewish kid from East LA.
Move the clock ahead 20 years to 1993 and I am a mucky-muck in the mortgage business, attending a private party in Washington DC for about 900 people. The host had hired entertainment for the evening which included the Four Tops and you guessed it, the Temptations.
Since I was a mucky-muck, I had front row center seats. As was their custom at the time, the Temptations would invite, or drag if necessary, one man and one woman from the audience to join them in singing a song on stage. They picked me and did not have to drag me on stage.
Being the professionals that they are, the lead singer would help the “guest artist” by matching pitch. Immediately I knew what to do and asked “Can I sing the bass line?” They graciously agreed and the bass singer stepped back while gesturing “it’s all yours.”
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So there I am, on stage performing with the Temptations. Me, the short, white Jewish kid from East LA realizing his childhood dream of being the bass singer in a black soul group. Together we sang “My Girl.” It doesn’t get much better than that.
The point and the lesson is this: DARE TO DREAM. Sometimes our dreams and wishes do come true.
Today I live with a disability that keeps me from working. What it does not do is keep me from dreaming. I learned from the Temptations that anything is possible.
What is my wildest fantasy today? I want to play Tevye in “A Fiddler On The Roof.” Will it happen? I don’t know. What I do know is that f I don’t have the dream, it will never happen.
What is your dream?
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Two years later, the Temptations had a number one hit with “Papa Was A Rolling Stone” and I knew then that when I grew up, I wanted to be the bass singer in a black soul group. A heck of a dream for a short, white Jewish kid from East LA.
Move the clock ahead 20 years to 1993 and I am a mucky-muck in the mortgage business, attending a private party in Washington DC for about 900 people. The host had hired entertainment for the evening which included the Four Tops and you guessed it, the Temptations.
Since I was a mucky-muck, I had front row center seats. As was their custom at the time, the Temptations would invite, or drag if necessary, one man and one woman from the audience to join them in singing a song on stage. They picked me and did not have to drag me on stage.
Being the professionals that they are, the lead singer would help the “guest artist” by matching pitch. Immediately I knew what to do and asked “Can I sing the bass line?” They graciously agreed and the bass singer stepped back while gesturing “it’s all yours.”
.jpg)
So there I am, on stage performing with the Temptations. Me, the short, white Jewish kid from East LA realizing his childhood dream of being the bass singer in a black soul group. Together we sang “My Girl.” It doesn’t get much better than that.
The point and the lesson is this: DARE TO DREAM. Sometimes our dreams and wishes do come true.
Today I live with a disability that keeps me from working. What it does not do is keep me from dreaming. I learned from the Temptations that anything is possible.
What is my wildest fantasy today? I want to play Tevye in “A Fiddler On The Roof.” Will it happen? I don’t know. What I do know is that f I don’t have the dream, it will never happen.
What is your dream?
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Twenty-nine years ago today.
It was exactly twenty-nine years ago today that I was married and my life was forever changed for the better. I was going to write a blog about it, just like I did last year. Then, after reading what I wrote then, decided that last year’s entry said it all. So if you missed it last year, here it is again.
Please read and enjoy. It’s about the love of my life.
It was exactly 28 years ago today (Now 29 years) that my wife Gail and I went to the best wedding celebration ever – OURS. If you could ask any of the 325+ people in attendance, they would all say the same thing – Best wedding ever.
What started out as something great,. has grown into something greater, more important and more meaningful than I ever could have imagined. After 28 years of marriage, we are now in the best place we have ever been. I can honestly say that I am more “in love” with my wife today than I have ever been before. She is, without a doubt, the sweetest, kindest, most caring and considerate, selfless and loving person I have ever known. I am a lucky man and feel truly grateful to be able to spend every day with her.
When you have been married as long as we have, we can look back and recognize the tough patches we made it through. We certainly have had our share of them. We were even separated for 14 months many years ago, from June ’86 to August ’87. During that time an expert on marriage (he’s been married four times!) told me that “staying married is its own reward.” I believe that until you have been married for 15 or 20 years, you can’t really begin to understand how true this statement is. There is an intimacy and level of comfort that comes from knowing someone so well and for so long, that can’t be explained. It is to be experienced.
Ask people who have been married a long time what the key to success is and you will get a lot of different answers. “Respect.” “Friendship.” “Patience.” Those are all good. But I have a different answer and that is “GRATITUDE.”
Maybe it is easy for me to say because I am married to Gail. Or maybe t is easier for me to say because of my disability and my needing so much help that she so readily provides, which makes me feel particularly grateful. Whatever the reason is, I never let a day go by without really letting her know how much I love her and how grateful I am. I believe that if one is truly grateful, expresses it and shows it, than the other stuff (respect, friendship, patience, etc.) will take care of itself. It certainly seems to work for us.
There is a side benefit too. When you really love someone, and feel truly in love, even after all these years, the beauty remains in the eye of the beholder…..and I am truly beholden to my beautiful wife.
Happy anniversary, Gail.
I will love you always,
Michael
Please read and enjoy. It’s about the love of my life.
It was exactly 28 years ago today (Now 29 years) that my wife Gail and I went to the best wedding celebration ever – OURS. If you could ask any of the 325+ people in attendance, they would all say the same thing – Best wedding ever.
What started out as something great,. has grown into something greater, more important and more meaningful than I ever could have imagined. After 28 years of marriage, we are now in the best place we have ever been. I can honestly say that I am more “in love” with my wife today than I have ever been before. She is, without a doubt, the sweetest, kindest, most caring and considerate, selfless and loving person I have ever known. I am a lucky man and feel truly grateful to be able to spend every day with her.
When you have been married as long as we have, we can look back and recognize the tough patches we made it through. We certainly have had our share of them. We were even separated for 14 months many years ago, from June ’86 to August ’87. During that time an expert on marriage (he’s been married four times!) told me that “staying married is its own reward.” I believe that until you have been married for 15 or 20 years, you can’t really begin to understand how true this statement is. There is an intimacy and level of comfort that comes from knowing someone so well and for so long, that can’t be explained. It is to be experienced.
Ask people who have been married a long time what the key to success is and you will get a lot of different answers. “Respect.” “Friendship.” “Patience.” Those are all good. But I have a different answer and that is “GRATITUDE.”
Maybe it is easy for me to say because I am married to Gail. Or maybe t is easier for me to say because of my disability and my needing so much help that she so readily provides, which makes me feel particularly grateful. Whatever the reason is, I never let a day go by without really letting her know how much I love her and how grateful I am. I believe that if one is truly grateful, expresses it and shows it, than the other stuff (respect, friendship, patience, etc.) will take care of itself. It certainly seems to work for us.
There is a side benefit too. When you really love someone, and feel truly in love, even after all these years, the beauty remains in the eye of the beholder…..and I am truly beholden to my beautiful wife.
Happy anniversary, Gail.
I will love you always,
Michael
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Three parts to communication; Listening, Telling and Being Heard
Everyone talks and most everybody listens. Most of us are better at one of those skills than the other. However, all of us could probably use a little improvement in another area of communication which may be the most important and least considered……..Being heard.
What do I mean by being heard? Being heard means not just hearing, but listening and understanding. Great teachers are often great communicators. They also can tell when their message is not getting through or being understood. When that happens, they go back and repeat, re-phrase or ask questions. Great teachers know that it is not enough to just give students the information. It must be received and understood as well. Great teachers, and great communicators, make being heard and understood their responsibility.
There are a number of ways to improve being heard. Some very simple suggestions are as follows:
Get permission.
Most of us are guilty of walking in on someone and telling them what we have to say, never bothering to see if we have their time and attention. If what you have to say is important, get permission first.
Pay attention to if you are being heard and understood or not.
Ask questions. That may be the best and easiest way to see if people are listening and understanding.
Be sure that your thoughts are clear.
If you are uncertain or unclear about what you have to say, then how can you expect others to understand? Make sure that you know what you want to communicate.
Explain why it is important.
Tell people why you are telling them this before you get started. A classic model for giving a speech is:
1. Tell the audience what you are going to tell them.
2. Tell it to them.
3. Tell them what you have told them.
While that may sound redundant (it is), it does work.
Repeat, rephrase, and re-clarify.
Good communicators can sense when the audience is not listening or understanding. When that happens, they say it again, or find a new way of saying it. They make sure that they are understood.
Clearly, not all communications require this level of thought or forethought. If your goal, however, is to be heard, than taking a few minutes to prepare yourself and the listener, will be time well spent.
Remember, good communicators do more than listen and talk. They take responsibility for being heard and understood. When it comes to communication, what could be more important than that?
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
What do I mean by being heard? Being heard means not just hearing, but listening and understanding. Great teachers are often great communicators. They also can tell when their message is not getting through or being understood. When that happens, they go back and repeat, re-phrase or ask questions. Great teachers know that it is not enough to just give students the information. It must be received and understood as well. Great teachers, and great communicators, make being heard and understood their responsibility.
There are a number of ways to improve being heard. Some very simple suggestions are as follows:
Get permission.
Most of us are guilty of walking in on someone and telling them what we have to say, never bothering to see if we have their time and attention. If what you have to say is important, get permission first.
Pay attention to if you are being heard and understood or not.
Ask questions. That may be the best and easiest way to see if people are listening and understanding.
Be sure that your thoughts are clear.
If you are uncertain or unclear about what you have to say, then how can you expect others to understand? Make sure that you know what you want to communicate.
Explain why it is important.
Tell people why you are telling them this before you get started. A classic model for giving a speech is:
1. Tell the audience what you are going to tell them.
2. Tell it to them.
3. Tell them what you have told them.
While that may sound redundant (it is), it does work.
Repeat, rephrase, and re-clarify.
Good communicators can sense when the audience is not listening or understanding. When that happens, they say it again, or find a new way of saying it. They make sure that they are understood.
Clearly, not all communications require this level of thought or forethought. If your goal, however, is to be heard, than taking a few minutes to prepare yourself and the listener, will be time well spent.
Remember, good communicators do more than listen and talk. They take responsibility for being heard and understood. When it comes to communication, what could be more important than that?
Participate. Make a difference. Live a life that matters.
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